About
Grooving to a new year!
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Name: IvyNick: Ironyv
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Birthday: 30 November
Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius
Country: Singapore
Interests: Makeup, Reading books, Reading manga, watching anime, listening to music, slacking
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XiaoBai's deviantartDani3lr
My Old Blog
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KKnM: The Anime Merchandise shop
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Ivy Tan...ME LAH! ^__^
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
YAY YAY!~ Exams are over...actually, it is exam to be exact...I have just one paper today and my exam is over!~ Will be meeting my boyfriend tomorrow and will meet up with naruto cosplayers on saturday!~ YAY!~
I have bought Fruits Basket vol 14 manga this week and I must say, everytime I read the manga, it gives me sad vibes and I always feel depressed after that. The story of the 12 Chinese Zodiac characters and Honda Tohru is haunting...to me at least. Initially, the plot started off light and fluffy, with slight tinge of bitterness. But as the plot goes on, the story gets darker and you are just tasting bitter sweet juice every time you read a new volume.
But I feel the pain of the characters, and at times I felt that I am also suffering from the same fate as the characters. Especially in volume 14, the girl who was in Yuki's student committee (i just forgotten her name -_-''), I felt the same way as what she feels.
The character that I am talking about doubts herself, whether she has her own thinking, her own identity. Okay, I am not that extreme, I do know what colour I like, but at the same time, I doubt myself because I felt my life have always been there to please other people in my life. I never really thought of what I want to become in the past. When I was in secondary 2 streaming, I told myself I want to go to the science course, because I hope to please my parents.
When I gotten my 'O' levels results, I initially picked SP's Biotechnology for my course, but because of my sister (she said NP better, and business is good), I chose Business Studies instead. Yes, I guess I really have no brains of my own to choose for my own self. I felt that what I have done in the past is just going according to other peoples' will. I felt that I have no identity of my own.
It was only during my poly years, that I really hated my past, I really cringed whenever I thought about my past, things that I have done that I shouldn't have. I hated myself and doubted myself so much. Even now I have difficulty having my own identity. I do not know what I want to be, what is the kind of person I should become. I desire for too much things that I do not know which need and want I should pursue first. I lost my focus in life.
I said to myself that I wanted to be in marketing, because I am interested in it. Thats why I am studying it. But I realise that it is something that is forged out from my past, the road that I have chosen in polytechnic, and I have no way to turn back. I envy my sisters who found their goals...and other people whom I have met. They know what they want, I don't. There are too many cross roads in my life, and I am just going through the path that is in my comfort zone. I do not dare to take a step out and experience my life in another way.
Thus, at 21, I've decided I must find an identity for myself, experience life in whatever form it takes, find out my real interests and go for it! And wish me luck in that journey of mine!
I have bought Fruits Basket vol 14 manga this week and I must say, everytime I read the manga, it gives me sad vibes and I always feel depressed after that. The story of the 12 Chinese Zodiac characters and Honda Tohru is haunting...to me at least. Initially, the plot started off light and fluffy, with slight tinge of bitterness. But as the plot goes on, the story gets darker and you are just tasting bitter sweet juice every time you read a new volume.
But I feel the pain of the characters, and at times I felt that I am also suffering from the same fate as the characters. Especially in volume 14, the girl who was in Yuki's student committee (i just forgotten her name -_-''), I felt the same way as what she feels.
The character that I am talking about doubts herself, whether she has her own thinking, her own identity. Okay, I am not that extreme, I do know what colour I like, but at the same time, I doubt myself because I felt my life have always been there to please other people in my life. I never really thought of what I want to become in the past. When I was in secondary 2 streaming, I told myself I want to go to the science course, because I hope to please my parents.
When I gotten my 'O' levels results, I initially picked SP's Biotechnology for my course, but because of my sister (she said NP better, and business is good), I chose Business Studies instead. Yes, I guess I really have no brains of my own to choose for my own self. I felt that what I have done in the past is just going according to other peoples' will. I felt that I have no identity of my own.
It was only during my poly years, that I really hated my past, I really cringed whenever I thought about my past, things that I have done that I shouldn't have. I hated myself and doubted myself so much. Even now I have difficulty having my own identity. I do not know what I want to be, what is the kind of person I should become. I desire for too much things that I do not know which need and want I should pursue first. I lost my focus in life.
I said to myself that I wanted to be in marketing, because I am interested in it. Thats why I am studying it. But I realise that it is something that is forged out from my past, the road that I have chosen in polytechnic, and I have no way to turn back. I envy my sisters who found their goals...and other people whom I have met. They know what they want, I don't. There are too many cross roads in my life, and I am just going through the path that is in my comfort zone. I do not dare to take a step out and experience my life in another way.
Thus, at 21, I've decided I must find an identity for myself, experience life in whatever form it takes, find out my real interests and go for it! And wish me luck in that journey of mine!
ironyv at 8:35 AM
