Angelic Groove

Danger lurks

2006-05-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

Haven't been actively updating this blog..hahaa...Since the start of work, I haven't had much time to do lots of internet surfing. Even in the office, I am so busy until there isn't time for me to do some surfing...so here I am, at the end of weekend, blogging something that I heard from my friend that I met last week.

What she told me was pretty shocking, but not surprising. Because I knew that these recent months, the rise of Indian workers moving into my neighbourhood is prominent. Especially the area where my friend is living. It isn't good when you can see all the sarongs and cloth all around the whole block. This signifies the appearance of the Indian workers.

Now, I'm not against them yah.. I don't mind them at all. There was once when at early morning, I took a lift alone with 5 other Indian immigrants. To me, I felt that my block is pretty safe.

Until what I heard from my friend her experience. She had been harassed by one Indian before.

My friend lived in an old flat, estates that are older than mine. Recently, HDB had informed them to move out and gave them new flat selections to choose. I believe the government wanted to rebuild that area.

But while awaiting to receive their new flat, my friend is still at the old estate. Some of the flat owners in her block and other blocks had already moved out. And recently, a large group of Indian workers moved into these older estates. Even my friend's next door unit has been rented to a few Indian workers.

She told me, that these workers would invite more Indians into their house, drinking beer and talking loudly and kept the doors open. And if she comes back home, the Indians will all turn to stare at her. Imagine how scary that situation is...

So anyway, to the main story. One day, my friend wasn't feeling well and went home early from work. While waiting for her lift, there was an Indian and a Chinese waiting for the lift as well. After the lift came, the Indian entered with her, while the Chinese had went up in the other alternative lift.

When she reached her level, she exited and the Indian also exited. The Indian walked away first, and my friend thought that the guy has went off. BUT, when she returned home and turned to close the door, the Indian was standing in front of her! MASTURBATING AND TALKING DIRTY TO HER!

Luckily, her mum happened to be at home. She was too dazed and stunned and finally only managed to tell the Indian she's calling the police and slammed the door. Of course, by the time the police came, the Indian had went off.

She told me she was pretty traumatised by the incident, and as for me, I am worried about her safety. With that many Indians living around her estate, ANYTHING can happen.

I told her to write to our MP, to address the issue of women's safetly around our neighbourhood. With a female MP, I hope maybe she will do something about it. Maybe I should write to her as well...but whatever it is, from now on, I do feel alittle worried when I see Indians. Like how I rather take the other lift that doesn't reach my level than to take the lift that reaches my level with 2 male indian workers. Danger lurks, and it is better to be safe than sorry.

Found a job!! Nobuta Power!

2006-04-29T10:15:00.000-07:00

:) I found a job!!!~~ KITTAA~~~ hhahaha..

Will be starting work next Tuesday. Means no more spare weekday time for me. I'll most probably sleep my weekend away..hahaha...

Anyway, I want to pimp Nobuta wo Produce. I think many would have seen it~ Although the main purpose of the show is probably to pimp the singer who played Shuji, who is in the group KAT-TUN.

The story is simple. Main character and narrator of story, Kiritani Shuji is the Popular guy in school. He faked his kindness of course, because he wants to be popular. Everywhere in the school, the students know him. However all changed after he met this girl by the name of Kotani Nobuko. Her first appearance scared Shuji (hello~ Sadako lookalike!) but he saw her again when she reported to school and became his classmate.

In the meantime, he dislikes this queer, often-seemed-drunk-with-milk Kusano Akira who is also very seme-ish to Shuji~ XD Both of them saw how the other girls in the class bullied Nobuko and decided to do something for her.

By producing her into a popular girl, that no one in school will deny her existence.

So the fun begins. As the story goes, Shuji realised he was such a bad-ass person and decides to become a better person. Nobuko, nicked Nobuta regained her courage and became stronger. Akira, with his usual slackness, became serious when he realised he likes Nobuta. And then there's the evil woman behind all the destruction to their plans. And Shuji became unpopular near the end.

However, their friendship, met with many obstacles, became stronger and closer. What will happen to these trio?

I also don't know..ahahahahah..I never get to see their ending yet. Need to buy the series!!! ahahahah..

I liked how the show was produced. The witty, crazy, serious, sad parts of it is good. Not the touching touching Densha Otoko kind, but the simple and weird style. I think Japanese serials can be enjoyable, but in Singapore, it is all Korean wave now. Wanted to buy this series also cannot find. Imagine TS only have one SMALL section of Japanese series...sad right?

Here's some of the screen caps of the show~

That's Shuji, the popular kid that fakes his kindness~
Quote:"Bye cycle(bicycle)! Bye Bye Bye cycle(bicycle)!~ said to fellow guy classmates before leaving the class. He cycles back home.

The funny and queer Akira~ \m/*chu KON~ ahahahah

Nobuko, aka Nobuta~ After her makeover, she becomes prettier~ :)

The starting of NOBUTA POWER! CHUNYU!~ Akira taught it to Nobuta to motivate her to be stronger and more courageous~

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!~~~ GAY PAIRING!!!! Seriously, this is VERY fanservice..ahahhaha..

What will happen to them?

No matter what, their friendship will always be there~ :) Nobuta power! Chunyu!

Old revival

2006-03-27T06:30:00.000-08:00

Recently, I have been listening to songs that are quite old..hahaha...like Every Little Thing's Time Goes By. Okay, not that kind of 60s 70s old..but this is like their first single ever..

Then remember the movie That Thing You Do? yeah..that catchy tune still rocks my world till today.

And you realise the fashion today is like walking back in time. What's with the vintage dresses, large retro sunglasses or the colourful plastic frames. And belts on dresses, bohemian and the big tops style. Remember Madonna's latest MVs featuring her amazing lean body? The emphasis isn't on that however, I wanted to talk about her hair, her makeup and the music genre. retro disco style, with her swept back hair, headband and that glitter on eyes makeup. Adds on to how fashion seems going backward instead of forward.

No more originality? I wonder. After all, the famous brands become famous because of their those styles. Remember how people predicted fashion of the future? Metallic suits, alien style helmets, robotic colours. No such thing as you've seen now. Everything is not what people in the past expected.

But you know what kind of trend I would like to wear, if Singapore isn't so freaking hot 24/7? Chinese costumes. Han dynasty's costumes and also the Manchu dynasty's. They looks fabulous~ elaborate yet beautiful. I like Tang dynasty's revealing style too..

Another style I want to wear would be the western gowns in the early days, like Sense and Sensibility style..hahah...I love how the gentleman wore their coats and neckties...you don't see it nowadays.

Of course, I think I can't wear them now, since Singapore is too hot to wear those lovely Han Fu. I tell my sister that I want to get a qipao to wear, I want my chinese roots to run deep. Although I like Japanese stuff, Chinese culture is something of my interest as well~ :) And my wedding gown will be qipao inspired too~ ^_^

Densha Otoko (Train Man)

2006-03-14T02:08:00.000-08:00

AHHHH!!!!

Ch 56 in Cable TV is showing it!!

I finally get to see the series!! No need to download it~! XD And if it is REALLY good, I just buy the vcd set ba~

Then again, I had quite a good impression on this show, after watching the first episode~ For those who do not know the story yet (but I think many would have known by now), the show is based on a real life story of a nerdy otaku who fell in love with a pretty lady on the train. He saved her one day from some drunk man and when the lady sent a token of appreciation to him, he turned to an online forum thing for help. There, people in different walks of life, in Japan and some overseas adviced him and guide him along.

OTAKU NE!!! hahaha..I was very amused when I saw the first part of the show. All the revealing anime girls, a cafe with waitresses wearing frenchmaid or lolita costumes, and the ever important, ROBOTS! Gundams if you want to rephrase it~ ahhaha

I find it a refreshing show, apart from the usual sappy love stories. This show portrays how the world is so connected in virtual land. We may not know one another in the real world, but we do browse through forums, chat channels and ended up talking, joking and crapping with a complete stranger. In the past, I used to go to chat channels and chatted with some people who are not from Singapore. Nowadays, I visited forums filled with Singapore anime/manga lovers and get to know many different people.

Virtual world has connected strangers and made the world smaller.

As someone conceptualise, the world has become flat.

Anyway, this show is also refreshing because the male character isn't handsome (though the actor is~ jus that he have to portray the character, that's why the nerd look~) Usual Japanese drama shows I saw has all the cute and handsome mains. Weirdly, I finally see someone handsome in this show, who is actually one of those forum visitors that assisted and cheered on for the main. Funny right? hahaha...

I think this Densha Otoko story is cute...I'm tempted to go kino tomorrow and see if there is any English translated version of the novel~ :)

Updates

2006-03-06T03:51:00.000-08:00

I'm seriously in need of something that can revitalise me...

Don't know why but I get tired easily. I mean, usually I sleep at 1-2am, woke up around 9 or maybe alittle later, have plenty of rest right? But why do I feel so sleepy?!!?!

Like I can go out at 3, and be drained of mind juices at around 5! Then by the time it was 8, my eyes start to die on me...Like on Friday, I went to a couple of places and by the end of the day, my friends commented I look dead...

Then yesterday when I went for my Japanese lesson, I think the sun really dried my mind up..I couldn't absorb what sensei was saying, and I keep pronouncing words wrongly!!! T_T''

I spent today at home...just to do some stoning, resting and washing..I need to start on xb's cloak...I need to go see my tailor, I need to get a job! sigh...why do I feel so unmotivated...haha

Felt like cosplaying Itachi for winter event but then again, no red eyes..=_='' cannot lah XB...I think I'll go as your minder for the day~ :)

Random Post

2006-02-15T07:31:00.000-08:00

I'm supposed to be mugging for my exams...ahahah...why the heck am I writing gibberish here!?!?!?!

Anyway, just felt like writing on this thing that was stuck in my head since this afternoon.

I was reading through the sgcafe's TCSS area yesterday since I am at home on VALENTINE'S DAY. Yes, I have no choice but to miss my friends' outing and stayed at home to study for my exam. =_='' Ended up getting distracted by alot of stuff..haahaha..

Sorry for the sidetrack. As I was saying, I chanced upon this thread set up by some bored person, asking people to write in the thread, what do they regret on in life.

I find it simply amusing as I scroll through the thread, from page 1 to page 3 I think. Some forum-ers are bored to write in some real regrets, while others are just spamming.

I saw one which actually listed out all her regrets (I believe the person is a she because I doubt any guy would actually hold so much regret and write it out in some thread supposedly for spamming purpose)

But I wonder whether they are joking or not when one wrote:

"I regret being born and being sentient." or "that i'm human......"

I wondered if this is just a spam post because it may be true that the person actually regret being a human. I mean, if you are sick of your life, you may actually regret being one human living on earth.

But then again, who are they to decide if they are a human or not? If you are the person who decide on being a human, fine! Go ahead and regret all you can! The problem is you are not given the choice to choose who you want to be in this Earth! And for goodness sake, you prefer to be born as something else? We humans are the highest in the hierarchy of the chain in life! It is a privilege to be borne as a human being!!

Then again, these people could be joking, so I'll just let this thought go...

Then there's others like "i regret being in singapore..." and she posted another "i regret not being born in Japan."

Again, I think that isn't up to you to decide. And what's wrong with Singapore? If you are talking about the fast, hectic lifestyle we have, our education system, our paper-emphasized society, okay I understand. But I still prefer to stay in Singapore than anywhere else. Because here, we are safe, we are taken care of (Are you fully clothed? Are you staying in a comfy house? Are you eating and drinking well? Do you have monthly or weekly allowances?), we have a stable economy (for now), we are geographically safe and many more.

So you think this country is hectic? There are many other countries that are too~! And we are really lucky to borne in Singapore and not some third world country, or even in the poorer SEA countries..

And with the recent Muslim outroar around most developed countries, what can I say about this? Do you see any Muslims in Singapore waving signboards, burning cars, smashing shop windows, trashing people, rioting, disturbing the peace of other citizens? NO RIGHT?!?! Until now, we are living in such stable condition in this chaotic world. Can people please learn to understand that this is a privilege to be living in such a safe environment and stop thinking of the grass that is greener on other countries. =___=''

Sigh...Long time since I posted my opinions..

Sad songs Spam!

2006-02-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

I AM IN LOVE WITH JAY CHOU'S NOVEMBER CHOPIN!!!

It all started when I am already in love with two songs from the album; Fa Ru Xue(Hair like Snow) and Shan Hu Hai(Coral Sea). Then during CNY, my sisters and I saw the Huo Yuan Jia (Fearless) music video in MTV and we love it so much that my elder sister bought the single, which includes a collection of November Chopin's music videos!

I am just playing the dvd repeatedly..hahah...then my younger sister borrowed the album from her friend. So now I'm listening to the audio version~

Okay, not all the songs in the album. Ye Qu doesn't appeal to me, and there are other songs that isn't as outstanding to me. Anyway, I wanted to spam the lyrics of the songs, but I think putting chinese characters is alittle hard to read. Shall post the english version of the songs instead. If you want to see the chinese lyrics, please go to www.jaychoustudio.com.

Maple
The dark cloud places a piece of shadow in our hearts
I listen respectfully to my mood, which has already been quiet for a long time
Clear and transparent
Just like the beautiful scenery
It's always only clear when seeing it in my memory

(*)Can the heart, that has been thoroughly hurt, still continue to love me?
I make an effort to pull up the pair of hands that have no warmth
The tenderness in the past has already been locked by time
Only leaving sadness that doesn't go away
The maple leaves slowly falling down are like thoughts
I light a candle to warm up the end of autumn
The northern lights plunder the edge of the sky
The northern wind brushes past the expressions of missing you
I take love and burn it into fallen leaves
Yet I can't get back that familiar face

(+)The maple leaves slowly falling down are like thoughts
Why must retrieving be hurried before winter comes?
Loving you passing through time
Two rows of tears from the end of autumn
Let love permeate through the ground
All I want is you to be by my side

(*)
The graceful red rain in between the mountainside
Withering with the north wind
I lightly swing the wind chimes
I want
To awaken the love that has been deserted
Snowflakes are already spread all over the ground
Deeply scared that the maple leaves outside the window have already become frozen
(+)

Coral Sea
(Jay) It begins to become grey at a far away place on the ocean plane
How can sadness be tranquil and pure white?
On my face
Still holding
A bit of shallow helplessness

(Lara) You use lip language to say you have to leave
(Your heart is not here)
That sadness slows down without a sound
The turbulent tide
You understand when hearing
It's not the wave but the sea of tears

(Both) Turn around and leave
(You have words you cannot say out)
Can't say break up
The sea crow and fish love each other
It was only an accident
Our love
(The love given out)
Difference existing all along
(Cannot come back)
The dust in the wind
(Waiting)
Unexpectedly accumulates into hurt

(Both) Turn around and leave
(Can't say break up)
Can't say break up
The sky blue Coral Sea
Missing the momentary paleness
At that time you and I
(You and I both)
Were not mature and honest enough
(Shouldn't)
The passion is not there anymore
(Your)
Smile cannot be forced
Love is deeply buried in the Coral Sea

(Jay) How can the devastated sand carving be rebuilt?
How can love that has cracks be covered up?
It was only that everything
Ended too fast
You say you can't set your mind to rest

(Lara) What expectation is hidden in the shell?
(Waiting for the flower to blossom)
We both already have no mood to guess
Facing the sea wind
The salty love
I can't taste what future there still is

(Both) Turn around and leave
(You have words you cannot say out)
Can't say break up
The sea crow and fish love each other
It was only an accident
Our love
(The love given out)
Difference existing all along
(Cannot come back)
The dust in the wind
(Waiting)
Unexpectedly accumulates into hurt

(Both) Turn around and leave
(Can't say break up)
Can't say break up
The sky blue Coral Sea
Missing the momentary paleness
At that time you and I
(You and I both)
Were not mature and honest enough
(Shouldn't)
The passion is not there anymore
(Your)
Smile cannot be forced
Love is deeply buried in the Coral Sea

Hair Like Snow
The moon like a wolf's fang
She is languished
I raise my cup
Drinking all the wind and snow
Who overthrew the previous life cabinet?
Provoking dust and gossip
The word formula of fate
Reincarnating a few times
You frown
Crying that your young beauty cannot be called back
Even if the annuals of history have already become ash
My love won't be extinguished

Flourishing like three thousand waters flowing east
I only take one ladle of love to understand
Only loving the butterfly you incarnated into

Your hair is like snow
Leaving sadly but beautifully
Who is moved by my burning incense?
Inviting the bright moon
Making memories clear and bright
Love is perfected under the moonlight
Your hair is like snow
Fluttering tears
Who has become old by my waiting?
The mundane world is intoxicated
The years of being slightly drunken
I use no regrets
To carve a stone tablet for my eternal love for you

La er la
La er la
La er la er la
La er la
La er la
La er la er ah
The bronze mirror reflects no evils
Tie a ponytail
If you are wild
This lifetime I fill a wine cup to accompany you

All The Way North
The world in the rear view mirror
Says goodbye further and further away
You turn around towards your back
The side of your face is still very beautiful
I use my vision to chase
I unexpectedly hear your tears

Lingering outside the car window
Is the chance I missed
You are standing in position
Tears across the middle of you and me
The view of the street has been recoiling all along
The bits and pieces of your collapse are outside the window

I go all the way north
Leaving the season that has you
You say you are very tired
You already have no way to fall in love with anyone else
The wind blows on the mountain road
The frames in the past are all my wrongs
Counting the shame
How many times I hurt you

The world in the rear view mirror
Says goodbye further and further away
You turn around towards your back
The side of your face is still very beautiful
I use my vision to chase
I unexpectedly hear your tears

Lingering outside the car window
Is the chance I missed
You are standing in position
Tears across the middle of you and me
The view of the street has been recoiling all along
The bits and pieces of your collapse are outside the window

I go all the way north
Leaving the season that has you
You say you are very tired
You already have no way to fall in love with anyone else
The wind blows on the mountain road
The frames in the past are all my wrongs
Counting the shame
How many times I hurt you

I go all the way north
Leaving the season that has you
The steering wheel encompasses
Rotating around my regrets
I speed up to exceed it
Yet I can't lose the grief following closely
Counting the shame
How many times I hurt you
Stop the heartlessness
Just let wrong be pure

I'm so in the karaoke mood now..ahhaha...XD

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~!!!

2006-01-29T06:51:00.000-08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~!!!

XD~ Wishing everyone a really good year ahead`!

My chinese new year are always the same throughout these few years. The same old schedule for the first and second day. The third day however was never planned. This year however, we have an additional day for PH so well, it was really good. Will be going to my ex-boss's house on the third day. Then after which, the following day will have to go back to reality where my project is going to be due this Saturday...=_=''

During CNY eve, I was painting my nails, together with my two sisters. Then at 12 midnight, we have to go out to the living room where our parents prayed to the sky god. As my younger sis XB went out, she said "be careful of the nail polish because..." And then my elder sister knocked onto the seat, that has the nail polish remover and other nail polish as well.

And the nail polish remover fell, spilling its liquid out.

And I said my first vulgar word of the new year then. "F**K~" Then when I was telling them how I said my first vulgar word, I said the second vulgar word of the new year. "F**K" again..=_='' Blur sotong I am huh...-_-''

I saw a couple of job vacancies but am too lazy to post my ugly looking resume to the company. And I need to take some passport pictures of myself first before I can send the resume. sigh...so troublesome. I feel like not doing anything until I finished my exams, but I think I should start early as well.

Will be having all my relatives tomorrow. Sigh, will be a tiring day tomorrow~!

Take care~!

Wallace and Gromit~XD

2006-01-09T20:45:00.000-08:00

I went to catch this movie Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Wererabbit.

IT WAS FANTASTIC!!!!!

I was like laughing and my eyes were glued to the screen throughout the show!!! The whole claymation was so brilliantly executed and I really have to congratulate the animators for such a marvellous animation.

But before the movie starts, they had a short animation from Madacascar, which is a story on how the penguins rescued their younger penguin and ended up celebrating Christmas. That is also hilarious! The conversation between the penguins, the "military" oriented head penguin dishing out offers to the fellow "officers". Their methods of rescue is silly yet amusing.

Okay, moving on to the main movie, it tells a story of how Anti-pesto (their company) faces a major pest that had been terrorising the town's vegetables. And to add on to their troubles, the Giant Vegetable competition is up and coming in a week's time and the pest is reported A GIANT WERERABBIT! *thunder strikes*

How will Wallace and his trusty sidekick Gromit the dog saved the town from the giant pest? Well, I'm not going to say any spoilers for this..hahaha..PLEASE GO WATCH IT YOURSELVES!!! XD

But the whole movie is seriously funny. GROMIT IS SOOOOO CUTE!!! I got to take my hats off to the animators for creating such a cute dog!! He doesn't have a mouth, so his facial expressions are only done with his eyes and brows. He used alot of hand motions too. But even with few movements, you can really guessed what Gromit is thinking. I really like certain scenes where Gromit was fighting with another dog, where he looks extremely exaspperated by Wallace's silliness and the way he still loves Wallace even though Wallace can be an idiot at times.

Wallace, he's also another funny character. But most of the time, both characters really make the scenes funny. And not to mention the rabbits, THEY ARE SOOOOOO CUTEE!!!!! I wish I have one cute clay rabbit like that...ahhha...

PLEASE GO WATCH IT!!!! I give it a 5/5! XD And its my first movie of the year somemore...heheheeh....

Next movie I'm going to catch: Memoirs of the Geisha~
I love Chicago the movie, so I expect alot from the director to make this movie a real good one. So I MUST WATCH IT! hhehehe

Bad start of 2006??

2006-01-04T19:04:00.000-08:00

Is it me, or does everyone have a bad start to 2006??

First is the complaints on the New Year's Day event in Orchard, where many girls claimed that they got molested by the crowd of men. First, they sprayed foam on their face, then, while the girls frantically wiped their faces, the men attacked, groping and touching. Good thing I never get to go out to celebrate, although I actually went down to my neighbourhood party for like 20 minutes, and went back home again. Why? Because of the STUPID FOAM SPRAYS AROUND!!! So intimidating!! And the little kids just sprayed any o how around, without caring about the surrounding passer-bys. Then I saw one group of lion dance group guys running around, then one of them took the spray and sprayed at a teenage girl, and told her she's cute. WTF!

Want to chase the girl, don't spray the foam lah!! Very fun isit??? But then again, the teenage girl may not mind, because she ran after the guy with a spray can too..doh!

I cannot hang around there because I find it really childish, alittle dangerous, and I'm really tired and sleepy by then. So I ended up spending my New Year at home. For the first time, I like my home better than outdoors.

This is only one example of bad starts, but I think I shall not elaborate even more. A couple of friends actually had some problems so this makes me wonder if 2006 can be better than 2005. What's worse is the recent news never seem to give out happy news. This week, Germany's ice-skating rink collapse, killing a handful of people; US mine collapse as well, killing some miners, Iraq suicide bomber just killed some people as well and a part of Indonesia had a landslide, due to illegal mining...Tell me what are the good news?

Oh yeah, btw, here's a picture of the character that I'm cosplaying, Youko from XXXHolic. This is the costume I'm going to wear on Cosfest~~ hehehe...

Dan will be doing Watanuki (the guy on right) and Dan's friend will be doing Doumeki. And XB will do a side girl character, which is like one of those Japanese folktale fairy...I CAN'T WAIT!!! ^_^

>< HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!~~~

2006-01-01T03:36:00.000-08:00

I'm kinda anticipating this whole new year~! Will be graduating in late Feb and I have to start looking for a job now. =_= Kinda stressed but I guessed I'll be able to pull through~! I'll not fall into pessimism again this year! That's one of my resolution for this year.

I haven't been updating this blog actually..hhaha...Felt lazy as I have to maintain 2 blogs and is kinda tiring. But I will post now and then in here because I started this blog at the same time as when I started my interest in cosplaying. Thinking back, I felt really thrilled to cosplaying when I went to EOY 04. I remembered the Naruto team was the most impressive then and I was really excited and had the urge to cosplay my favorite character Itachi. But my initial character that I was supposed to do was Anbu Kabuto. Ended up being psycho-ed by Acktosh and I decided to switch to Anbu Itachi instead. Then on that day, Kaishi (who is now MIA) lent me his Akatsuki coat and I become, Akatsuki Itachi with Anbu vest inside. Needless to say, I enjoyed the whole cosplay event and I'll never forget this debut cosplay.

Then, I initially decide to cosplay Rider from Fate Stay Night, but after much consideration, and some friends commenting that it is too sexy and I'll get stalked for that role, I decided to drop that idea. Instead, I get invited by Kaishi and Requiem into the Bleach Group as Ukitake Jyuushiro. And I became part of the biggest and impressive group in EOY 05. Looking back, my Ukitake isn't up to standard, I need to have that serene look which I lack of. But then again, no one's perfect. but I rated my Ukitake cosplay about 70%. 30% lost to my face, black hair that keeps popping out, OOC moments.

This new year, I'll be doing Youko from XXXHolic, with Dan and her friend from NYP. We just decided the costume, which after months of thinking, I waited for my XXXHolic Calender and saw a perfect costume, which Dan and I would be able to afford. My costume will be a simple strapless lace-rimmed dress and lots of beads to go with it. Simply perfect for a low-budget me.

EOY 06, well, I have no plans yet. My wishlist is tripled but I'll need to wait till I'm secured with a good job before I can attempt to make those costumes.

Finally, I'll end with my resolution tagline for year 2006:

Study/Work hard, Play hard and Pray hard. :P

Musings

2005-11-24T08:53:00.000-08:00

Erm...

Yeah, my exams are done, and right now, I am slacking my mind away until my new semester which is...NEXT WEEK!!! T_T...

Yups..one week of rest and a new term is here to stay. But then again, the new semester will be my LAST semester so I am kinda dreading and anticipating it at the same time. Dreading the day where I have to start working and Anticipating the day where I can draw my first pay!!! XD~

Oh, last Saturday, I went to WCG and saw alot of WARCRAFT game tournaments~! Yes, I am a Warcraft III fan but I am not good at playing the game..Why?

Simple, I am slow at controlling, I can't coordinate my mind and hands and whenever my army attacks, my army will just get disorganised after a short while, which IS NOT GOOD!

But then again, practice makes perfect, so there you go. If I REALLY want to play it well, I will have to learn those gamers by sitting in front of the computer like 12 hours a day and just FOCUS! -_-'' like hell I will..

And EOY is happening in around 2 weeks time. My costume update? Well, I should be collecting my costume next week, my wig probably this Saturday. I need to collect my spoilt katana from req to fix it, and I need to fix the THIRTEEN symbol on my captain's coat. I think that's all I need to do..haha..

And after EOY, comes Christmas. I don't celebrate Christmas but since it is a public holiday, I will have time off from my studies. Unfortunately, December/January will be my busiest time through the semester, with all the project deadlines and exams preparation.

And then, A NEW YEAR! *GASPS*

Freaking hell, a new year approaches slowly and steadily. New year means I'm going to be OLDER AGAIN! But then again, I will have new clothes for Chinese New Year~! Whee...

I sound like a dumb blonde who dyed her hair black..-__-''

I need to make New Year Resolutions. Last year, I didn't make any because I think resolutions are a waste of time. But I think I should have one now to train my discipline. I NEED DISCIPLINE! SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!! (no...not that kind with the whips..-__-'')

*coughs* Oh, I am abstaining myself from chocolates now, which is a good thing. Imagine a MARS bar has around 1000 plus calories, and we girls just need 2000 calories everyday. So how many extra calories you consumed if you include breakfast, lunch and dinner??! Unless you exercise, those extra calories will be added to your body as FATS! *groans* Of course, this abstinence will probably last till Christmas..hehehe...

Oh, and these few days, my mind is just repeating a song, which I have heard in Class 95 FM. It's called More than words and i REALLY love it~ Is kinda old but who cares when the lyrics are so nice~ so here goes the lyrics~!

More than Words
By Extreme

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

HELPPPP~~

2005-11-05T06:05:00.000-08:00

S**T....I am seriously lagging from my notes writing..

AND SO, I decided, ladies and gentleman, cosplayers and anime watchers, friends and acquaintances, that I am not going to be online for the next 2 weeks. YESH, You heard me, I am going to be very f**king strict with myself.

Of course, I may once awhile log in awhile to check my mails and the forum, but I won't be in MSN until the day I finishes my exams. So if you have ANYTHING, to ask about anything, either email me, comment in that box on the left side of this blog, or sms/call me. I am easily contactable~ ^_^

Take care folks in the meantime, I'll miss you all~ T_____T''

Updates on my life:Sympathy for Lady Vengeance

2005-11-01T08:54:00.000-08:00

November...thats fast. The last time I log in was in mid-October..and within a matter of weeks, November comes.

Coming to the end of year 2005 is comforting but sad as well. Comforting because there are too many things happening in this year and I hoped that next year would be a better year instead. Alittle sad because this year is too eventful and provided me with so many good and sad memories. In a way, I hate to say goodbye to it, because who knows, I may begin to forget those happenings in the future. Well, I think I will not...this year have truly been impactful and I will remember the year 2005 clearly.

Anyway, I haven't been blogging because I was kinda busy slacking away..hahah...and of course, I have started writing my study notes for my exams in mid November. Nothing exciting to report for the moment~ ^_^ I think I will take 2 weeks hiatus from Internet because it is TOTALLY distracting me~ Y__Y''

Anyway, been listening to many songs from Lush 99.5FM. Come on, it wasn't that bad...and the music definitely sooths my soul~ And you can just melt into your chair, or on the bed if you just enjoy the slow and smooth music~

Requiem gave me two mandarin songs a few days ago and I am playing them right now. The first is Jay Chou's song from his new album and the second is a song from the Taiwanese drama Mars. Both sounded sad but I definitely prefer Jay Chou's.

Strangely, I have been listening to songs sung by male singers and the songs are mostly about their partner leaving them. Totally ironic...why am I listening to such songs..I remembered when I was about to break up with my ex, I was in love with Jie Kou by Jay Chou. And I sang Zhen Shi by A*mei while I was karaoke-ing..I don't why I actually listen to such songs...-___-''

Anyway, I caught the movie Sympathy for Lady Vengeance on Monday. Was supposed to go with Xiaobai but when we got there, the ticket attendant refused to close one eye just because XB is not 18 years old yet (SHE'S 17!! T_T) XB told me to go ahead and I went to catch it while she hung at the library.

The movie tells a tale of a woman who was involved in a kidnapping and when her partner kills the kid, he forced her to confess by kidnapping her baby. Jailed for 13 years in prison, she schemed and plotted her revenge. In the meantime, she helped many comrades in prison and because of that, they are willing to help her with her plans. She came out, donning red eyeshadow and started working in a bakery shop. Once she was out, she started to implement her plans slowly and carefully. Well, I shall not spoil the plot out, but just for your info, the bad man died in the end.

The woman was played by Lee Yeong-ae, who was the star of the hottest Korean drama epic, Jewel in the Palace (or Dae Jang Geum). Unlike her kind and sweet role in the drama serial, her role for the movie is darker, crazier and scarier. She really portrayed the woman (Lee Geum-ja)'s character well; her frustrations, her sinister side, her longing for her daughter, her crazy moments...everything.

The director, Park Chan-wook directed a beautiful and artistic movie out. Even though the show has lots of bloody moments, he does it so beautifully and hidden that you won't feel the scenes revolting. In the movie, sarcastic and twisted humor are also used so even serious scenes can be amusing as well.

Sympathy for Lady Vengeance is the last of his trilogy movies. His first two vengeance movies (Old Boy and Sympathy for Mr Vengeance)are darker and bloodier. For Lady Vengeance, the direction was towards a more feminine and beautiful shot of anger and vengeance. It is definitely a must watch~ ^_^ For 18 and above only though~ But, take the movie as a pinch of salt...

Revenge as a redemption is never the solution.

You think too much

2005-10-19T05:17:00.000-07:00

You think too much when you're down...when pressure adds onto your shoulders like a big boulder.

You think too much when you're in your room, face with many things but most significantly, the four walls. Enveloping your dreams and aspirations in that room, you feel restricted and wanted out.

You think too much when you have nothing to do. Thinking of the far future, which you can't attain yet. And thinking about the long gone past, which you can never change.

You think too much when you're happy. You think about all the things that make you happy and the things that will make you even more happy.

You think too much when you're depressed...thinking about the things that cause you to be sad and things that may make you even more depressed.

You think too much when it's night time...when your usual happy mood dulls as darkness engulfs you. And dark and unwanted thoughts rise and invade your mind, and you can't help feeling down as your tears flood your face.

You think too much when you're all alone; at home, in a bus, in the train, everywhere. Your mind wanders and weaves out imaginative thoughts of what ifs and you end up falling into that fantasy land.

And you think too much when you realise that almost half the time of the day is spent thinking about things that are not real, that cannot be real, that when BANG reality sets in on you, you end up feeling disappointed, stupid and useless. Thats when you need to wake up, and stop your thinking.

Rants from a drowsy person

2005-10-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

I'm sick, coughing really badly like my EOY cosplay character Ukitake...haha...And after battling 3 days of cold virus on my own (with my trusty Panadol Cold and just plain water), I decided to give up and seek medical assistance...hahah..

Just ate my medicine and sigh...I'm feeling really drowsy now...must be the cough medicine. But at least within a matter of days, I should be getting well.

Last project is due on Wednesday so I need to rush my parts out by tonight..hope I can sleep early again. After that project, I'm going to slack alittle while before concentrating on my exams. In the meantime, I need to find some time to catch Corpse Bride and April Snow.

It's raining very very heavily right now, and I don't know how am I going to go to Bugis for my japanese lesson. Have to think of some way to keep myself from getting drenched from the heavy downpour.

I'm feeling really tired now..I think I should rest awhile before we set off for Bugis..sigh..I think I have something to write but my body's not working well now..must be the cough medicine...urgh...-___-''

7 Sins cosplaying

2005-10-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

If you all noticed, the Sgcafe got this 7 sins cosplay thing going on right??

Actually, I FEEL LIKE DOING IT~~ heehhe...

If I want to cosplay one of the 7 sins, it would be either gluttony (cos I'm one) or pride~

And I will imagine it to be a very posh style photoshoot...like if its lust, she'll be wearing a hot red outfit and with makeup looking really seductively..

Or Wrath, with red eyes, broken glass or shredded paper around the person.

Sloth will be on a couch, lying lazily and looking lazily, wearing a night gown...(think Suzu in PMK manga)

Envy will definitely be green, but Envy is quite hard to portray actually...so someone has to be beside Envy to make the feeling out...

Greed...ooo...thats a good one...everyone associates greed with money, materialism...but greed holds all forms...to me, a glutton is also greedy because you crave and desire for more food...But in the photoshoot, either the person is surrounded with many same things...

Demo...the sg cafe 7 sins cosplay isn't something I am interested in...because these are people that I don't know..so is hard to do cosplaying with them...

I actually thought of some friends who can do 7 sins..hahah...but haven't finish thinking..so not all my friends are inside...Anyone interested???? XDXD

A new chapter of life perhaps?

2005-10-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

I cut my hair real short today. It was a BIG deal to me because I have grown this hair since 3 years ago. When the hair stylist cut it, I actually felt like tearing..because the hair that was cut will also take away a part of myself as well.

I'd grown this hair since I was with my ex-boyfriend. From polytechnic, till now, I have this length of hair through thick and thin. I had never cut it short from the time I had a boyfriend. Now, cutting it implies a new chapter of life.

People do say that cutting your hair is like cutting away your troubles, cutting away some part of your life and to begin afresh. Frankly speaking, when I broke up with my ex, I really wanted to cut my hair short. But I couldn't bear to do so, since this hair was with me for 3 years and my sissy stylist insisted that I should have long hair..hahah..

But why do I cut it now? I don't know...I just felt that I really need to cut my hair away because firstly, it is irritating to see the same old you in the mirror 24/7...secondly, I just need a new start. And cutting my hair signifies that.

How short one asked? VERY short is the term to use..think the length of my hair reaches to the end of neck..from a almost quarter back length to end of neck..I really REALLY cut alot off my hair..hahah..

I told ziru, dan and xb that I initially wanted to go australia to further my studies when I graduated from polytechnic..what stopped me was my ex...because I felt bad leaving him alone in Singapore. Well, the ironic thing was because I stayed in Singapore to study instead, I get to know about the cosplay scene, know many many people and make friends. But because of cosplaying, I slowly realised how I cannot stay in a relationship where my man doesn't support me. And cosplay is the one that did a snowball effect on my increasing unhappiness in the relationship too..so this is the irony part; that I didn't go Australia for my ex, but we broke up in the end. Then again, our relationship was pretty weak at that point of time so a small thing can just create a crack.

I do not regret not going to Australia, because firstly, what's done can't be undone. And secondly, because I stayed in Singapore, I found my religion and made many friends as well...so I guessed it is a blessing in disguise~ ^__^~

As for now, I think I feel so much lighter on my head without so much hair..HAHAAH~ And younger too~ ho ho ho!! XD

Freaking Drive:Fun Saturday~

2005-09-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

*breathes in deeply*

This is the post that has been erased, out of trace from Blogger yesterday night. I have to re-type this out, which I think I will make it shorter than the original..sigh..

Firstly, the two topics are not related to one another. I need to blog about my drive from Pasir Ris to Bugis because it was really a scary ride (not that I'm the driver but of the worst case scenario situaton I was in). This actually happened on 16th September, which is like 2 weeks ago..

We actually woke up really early to sent our parents off to the airport where they're going on a week's trip to China. My elder sister drove us to the Pasir Ris Park for some cycling fun and we had a good time cycling. I managed to cycle through the park even after a half year hiastus of cycling.

Then, my elder sister drove us to White Sands to have our lunch and from there, XB and I told her that we need to go to bugis (XB to KKnM while I to my school). Problem was that she didn't know how to drive from Pasir Ris to Bugis. So, she actually suggested that I drive instead.

Now, I did not agree immediately because:
a) I haven't been touching the car since more than half a year ago
b) I didn't like driving the car when my parents are around because they would nag and make loud noises in the car if I made a mistake and that distracts and irritates me
c) I'm told by the CNY chinese horoscope that I need to be careful of road safety this year.

But due to the fact that I'm going to be late for my lesson, I decided to gamble it all and drive. Problem 1 came while inside the White Sands's carpark. Everything is smooth until I reached the exit where I had to slot in the cashcard into the deduction machine at the side. I stopped the car, slided open the window and stretched my hand to the machine.

There is like a 2 inch gap between the machine and the card. OMG!!! T_T

So I had to remove my seatbelt, open the door, reached out to slot in the card. Feeling very embarassed because, the passengers of my car are laughing loudly at me, the cars are waiting at the back and I felt like a total idiot.

Once its done, in my haste to get out of the situation, I pulled down the hand brake, stepped on the engine pedal hard and loudly, but forgot to change my gear to the 1st. So the car won't move.-____-''

In the end, my laughing elder sister had to help me change my gear and then we're off, out of the carpark which is my least favorite now. -___-''

Anyway, we stopped by my elder sister's boyfriend's place to drop him off, then proceeded to drive to Bugis. My initial route was from PIE, exit Stevens road, which is the one and only route I know of.

But when we'd drove up to the expressway,

TRAFFIC CONGESTIONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~ T___T''

From Eunos all the way to CTE, the expressway was packed jammed with cars. And driving a manual car is totally troublesome in a conjestion. 1st gear, 2nd gear, stop the car. Switched back to 1st gear, move, stop again. Repeat process throughout the whole 15 minutes in the expressway.

So in the end, we decided to go by what sis's boyfriend's father suggested and exited by Paya Lebar. There, the roads are so crowded and fast that changing lanes is a nightmare. A COMPLETE NIGHTMARE TO ME!! I was like "uncle, let me go first, please please please" in my mind whenever I wanted to change lanes.

Driving towards North Bridge road is easier as I past through the Geylang area where the area are less conjested during the day. And so, I finally reached Bugis..phew...

But it really is a horrible drive because I couldn't stop my hands from shaking even after I entered my class 30 minutes late. I was too freaked out by the whole conjestion and the crowded roads of Paya Lebar...sigh..

Anyway, last Saturday was a really really fun day for me. Although it started off with a Business Policy test, I headed off to Kbox Cineleisure where Benita, Dan, XB, Gabriel, Oni and John are already at. And so we spent a short time singing mandarin tracks and a few english songs before we ended the session.

Then, we met up with Requiem and Osaka and walked to Heeren for a neoprint session. Its only the girls who did the neoprints lah..and it was SOOO FUN!!! HAHAHA...we did an Air gear Kogaramasu chibified pose, a BuHAHAHA Bleach pose, Act cool and one act cute pose which Dan, after much hesitation, decided to do it just for Benita.

AHHAA...Really fun ne minna~! And the game we played suggested by Benita is really crazy!!! HAHAAH...Although it was quite a short outing, I really loved it alot and I hoped that when Ben comes back, we go for a long kbox session and take more neoprints too!! >__<'' But that would be in three months time ne~ XD!!!

FUCKFUCK!!~ T_____T

2005-09-26T09:31:00.000-07:00

THE BLOODY BLOGGERRR!!!!! I WRITE ONE WHOLE LONG BLOG POST AND IT ERASED IT!!!! FUCK!!! T__________________________________________T'''

Follow up on my stupid blog post

2005-09-23T10:43:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHA!!! apparently, when I asked requiem to go see my blog, she went WTF on me...check it out:

Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
read mine liao??
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
er no
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
LJ or blogspot
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
blogspot~ heheehehehehehe
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
WAT THE FUCKING HELLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
teckie said u r old?
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
only trying that for one and last time
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
ahhaha
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
yah lah
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
she also say i auntie can
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
**snorts*
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
when??
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
in the msn...
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
-___-''
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
you spread to her ah
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
no la
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
its the truth
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
sigh...watever lah..i admit i'm old
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
hehehe
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
actually
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
i can help u make tt post even more lian
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
omg
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
HAHAHA...you post one up lah
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
NOOO
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
then i'll read it
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
ahhaha
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
i actually wanted to make it like those sch kids english
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
but then turn out to be an ahlian blog
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
KNS MAN
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
ehhehehehe...
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
u shld make it like, 'HaiXXXXX...i dunCh nOe y i waNa 2 do tis in e 1st plAce...jUz c sMe1 trY tupid loRxxXXXX.. KeKeKEzz'
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
WAHHHH LAOOOOOO
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
EEEEEEeeeeeEEEE
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
hahah
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
tt is SUPER AH LIAN + XMM language
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
cannot lah..me not that standard
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
too high liao
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
whARhHHH, hw caN joO sAy Tt?? MOi wAn crY LiAoXXX!!
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
DuN Lik tAT laHXXX....
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
bUT hOh, REallI CAnnOT MaKe iTZ SiaXX
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
-___-''
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
so tiring
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
ItSh iDioTX siAX, oNLI fCukErxZZ wRiTez lIKEx Tt LoRRRRRHZ
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
ahahha...i'm going to copy this portion and paste it in my blog now!!!
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
ah
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
do it lor
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
hahaha
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
its fucking stupid
Sephiroth's da man!~ XD says:
i know..and tiring too
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
IT IS STUPID - PLS INCLUDE THIS PORTION TO SAVE MY REPUTATION
|requiem| weekend!!! *cheers n celebrates* says:
requiem (back to her normal ways!!): this is FUCKING STUPID.

I have to put that disclaimer or else i'll be screwed..hahaha...but req, you're rEALLi CaPAble iN mAKIn SUch sENtenCES!! dUn DeNY HOhXX~ XDDD!!!!

*coughs badly* I hate this..i shall not type such sentences ever again!!! -__-''

A tryout of a stupid new style

2005-09-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

Title: A tryout of a stupid new writing style

aiya...i dun knoe why i wan 2 do tis in e 1st place...juz c sme1 try tupid tupid style of writin so i try also loh...

hmm, wat shd i write ah...aiya, i also dunno lei...i tink req goin 2 kill mi wth tis post..she'll like "OMG!!!! WHY LIKE TAT!!" then i'll hav 2 tell her cos i boliao loh...

i tink mine not bad liao loh..cos i dun knoe alot of short forms so juz anyohow type loh...wat to do, i too old liao...req and dan keep sayin i too old, like auntie woh..so jialat lei...sighzzzz

todae juz go sch e whole dae then e noon lesson SOOO BORINNNN WOH!!! super draggy 2 loh..the lect dunno wat he tokin abt and keep beatin ard e bush, so cmi loh...in e end, i juz sit there and stone and draw boliao stuff in my notebk..-___-''

then go suntec see see look look but nothin to c, end up eatin at a shop in basemt and ALONEEEE LEI!!!! so sad, me no fren loh, no one pei wo loh...xiaobai still say i never stay at hme to eat wif her...u tink i dun wan meh...got lesson mah...

then go back sch 2 listen 2 my lect talk. tis lect better cos cher veri nicceee!!! he tok veri loud de lei...u can hear him frm 2 classes away loh!!! but he funny guy lah...so i enjoy his lect alot...but got 1 girl in class, wah, i cant stand her. she majiam tink e cher can bully, keep makin tupid comments n got 1 tme seems like scoldin e cher lei..so jialat, SUPPPPPEERRR CMI!!! -___-''

aiyo...now i realiz so hard 2 write lik tat...i also CMI liao!! ><'' u'll nver catch mi writin lik tat again loh!! can't tahan man....

Listen to your heart

2005-09-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

Omg...I think Dan and Xiaobai will know this song REALLY well...this song is just too lovely...I feel sad everytime I listen to it, and thats because I saw that Naruto fan AMV with that song. The AMV is made for the scenes where Sasuke and Naruto fought. And every scene matches the song lyrics.

But I especially liked this line "And there are voices that want to be heard, so much to mention, but you just can't find the words" because the feeling of having something in your heart but not been able to say it out or not knowing how to say it out hurts badly.

So here I present this song's lyrics to you.

Listen to your heart by DHT

I know there's something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
You've built a love but that love falls apart
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark

Listen to your heart when he's calling for you
Listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going and I don't know why
But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems
The feeling of belonging to your dreams

Listen to your heart when he's calling for you
Listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going and I don't know why
But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye

And there were voices that want to be heard
So much to mention but you can't find the words
His scent of magic the beauty that's been
Well I was wilder than the wind

Listen to your heart when he's calling for you
Listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going and I don't know why
But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye

Listen to your heart
I don't know where your going and I don't know why
Listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye

Sappy love songs

2005-09-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

I think requiem is going to kill me for listening to sappy love songs instead of all her Dir en Grey songs..ehhee...

BUT, I can't help it. I just love it. Call me masochist, which I am but I really love listening to sad songs. Sad love songs in particular. When I was in polytechnic year one, I have no happy sounding songs at all. My lists are ALL sad depressed love songs..

My borrowed iPod mini has half of the songs that belongs to the genre of SAD SONGS. I shall list the top few sad songs that I think is really lovely in my iPod mini now:

Not in order:
1) Hana from ORange Range
2) Last Smile from Love Psychodelico
3) Slipped Away from Avril Lavigne
4) Till I get over you from Michelle Branch
5) Moments by Ayumi Hamasaki
6) Carols by Ayumi Hamasaki
7) Happiness by Glay
8) I Miss You by Blink 182
9) Iris by Goo Goo Dolls
10) Sexed Up by Robbie Williams
11) Jealous Reverse by Dir en Grey
12) Chances by Switchfoot
13) Wo Men De Ai by FIR
14) Grief and Sorrow by NAruto soundtrack
15) Never meant to belong by Bleach soundtrack
16) Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne
17) D'techno Life by Uverworld

yeah..thats currently some tracks that are real sad..and those in bold are those that I really feel like crying when I listen to it...and there's this song called Listen to you heart by DHI...that song is really a sad sad song..T_T

But of course, I have some that are not sad...Like Fly me to the moon, Dream a little Dream, Helena, Aesthetics and Identityyyyyyyy!!!~~~~, Happy people and etc...but I still prefer my sad songs~ XD

I'm really a masochist..haha...and here's the lyrics for Slipped away, which I loved it when I was listening to Avril Lavigne CD a few weeks ago:

Slipped Away"

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Na na na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you

I want a depressing post

2005-09-16T07:05:00.000-07:00

I'm such as a masochist...I can't help torturing myself with depressing things..

I think it has also got to do with the fact that I'm pretty emotional these few days. I think I am on emo-high frankly speaking.

Anyways, I haven't been updating this blog because I was busy studying for a test and rushing through a project in just 4 days! And I managed to produce a 23 pages long report, but with 1.5 spacing, which is a standard thing to do. Phew~ One project's done, 2 more to go.

I'm currently listening to a song from Green Day called Wake me up when September ends. I can tell you, my September this year has been really eventful. And it is the first September since so long that I am single. I came to realise that I am really single when I am sitting on the bus back home alone on Thursday and thinking of everything EXCEPT my ex. It is REALLY strange to come to realise that it has been 2 months since my break up and everything is still so freaking normal.

I mean, it is as if I wasn't in a relationship at all for this whole year! And due to my lack of hard drive in my memory, I am beginning to forget the things we did together...I do not know whether it is good or not, but it is REALLY strange. And no, this is not the depressing stuffs that I was thinking of the whole week. Because I do not regret breaking up with him at all.

In fact, I met him last Sunday for a gathering with our old CCA friends. It was REALLy awkward...and I was trying to make conversation with him once in a while. After an hour, I was less stoned but quiet and practically listened to them talk about what they have been up to. And my ex had highlighted his hair, which looked kinda okay...but it isn't really outstanding. I had to go off early, and thankfully since I have to rush my project out.

And Requiem was totally stressed out for the past week, and I didn't dare to talk to her because I think she will be pissed with me. haha...Well, now that her exams are over, she can finally relax. Tine ah, i see you stress i also stress le...

Dan had just recovered~ ^_^ which is good and I hope to see you well and bouncy~ Remember to pounce on XiaoBai when you meet her the next time~ XD

And I am going to the open house of Waseda Shibuya Senior High School this Sunday with Xiaobai..hope it will be fun on that day so that I can forget all my troubles on that day...just one day...

Xiaobai's setting up a stall in EOY~!!! please support her ne~~ XD I think is a really good experience for her and Xiaobai, don't be discouraged okay? people's art is good doesn't mean you're not k? ^___^

Somehow, this post isn't depressing..T___T well..I shall do it again for the next post...

That forum...

2005-09-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

I really do not know why I still bother surfing the forum...

The fact is, spam is increasing per day and it even spread to the cosplay chat section. It is not my business but what I saw in the cosplay chat section was quite a turn off for me.

I never like arguments, and to come across threads that become like a battle ground is really irritating. I am not a vocal person, and I don't like the idea of flaming people or criticising people in a public forum. But I saw a couple of forum members actually voicing out and that in turned snowballed to a thread battle between two irritated parties. THE WEIRD THING IS, they are all sitting somewhere else, either in the comforts of their home or school and not facing one another.

What's the problem? Internet's the problem. Too much miscommunication can just happen online. When you are talking offline, you tend to mind what you said but in the world of Internet, you are safe and sound in your own world. You do not need to care if the person knows you or if you will feel the need to back down from an arguement. Instead, in the Internet, there is a 'safety' veil in front of you, and you can unlease your inner anger out easily and quickly.

You can say it is good in a way, that people are finally speaking up for themselves. But hey, it isn't a good way to speak up in the Internet. Misunderstanding, unreasonable behaviour will simply occur because people are able to hid behind their own online identities.

Of course, there are members who are already well known both online and offline since they could be cosplayers or photographers. But is it me or is it that people are not afraid of what others might think by just shooting their mouths off in the forum?

Maybe I am too conservative in my thinking, or just that I am not a vocal person. I just think it is too much for me to see such threads. If people can keep their cool, swallow some of their ego and back off or laugh it off, I believe the world would be a happier place.

The fact is, education is good in a way, but an educated person will tend to be too smart for their own good. I'm starting to wonder if you need to lose your conscience and heart to replace for a clever mind or getting educated.

I speak for myself too. I am going to graduate with a degree and I do feel that I am too smart for my own good. I tend to think too much and I keep having the perceptions that I am of a certain class, just because I am a degree holder. But the thing about me is that I know I am doing it and I am willing to change my mindset. But there are many people who don't realise how fortunate they are to have education, and they became arrogant and selfish to achieve even more in their lives.

Conclusion: This world is badly corrupted.

Anyway, I really have no intentions to accuse anyone in the forum. I just want to say that being vocal isn't always a good thing. Especially online. End of story.

I can't cook?!: Internet conversation with Takuya

2005-09-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

Thats the kind of perception I got from people. That I can't cook. Thats why the long cook post previously..ahaha..but anyways, REQUIEM hates it so I shall post a new post here so that she can stop looking at the cook post..hahaha

BUT, before moving on to a new topic, i need to clarify something. I can cook. XD

Anyways, I met Dan, Requiem, Akira, John and Kie on Friday to kinda celebrate Dan's birthday. Though is only a short outing, I think Dan's a happy sasunaru fan girl now because Requiem gave a Naruto plushie, XB and I gave a Sasuke plushie and Akira gave her a sasunaru doujin...

And on my table right now (with a Mcdonalds toy dog) is my Kakashi plushie. My plushie is damn cute can!! hahahaha

I realise I do not regret breaking up with my ex because I would not have done what I like and what I want now. And meeting up with friends and buying what I like is one of the things I can enjoy without him. And strangely, I didn't miss him. Maybe I really didn't love him as much as I thought I was. *shrugs* I don't care now..^_^

Btw, I did a seme/uke quiz and I was a -80%seme....I kinda agree. I think I have the characteristics of seme and uke and it shows at times...

Okay, skipped to Takuya's conversation..hehehe..I shall post it out..its kinda interesting what I write about myself at times...

CONVERSATION WITH TAKUYA~
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
i realise 1 thing
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
wnhat??
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
talking to u here easier than outside
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
u mean talking to me offline?
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
yah..i am more talkative online de
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
yeh
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
yeh lo
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
sads
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
somehow, i am still nt used to talking to guys face to face...very hard to shake off the feeling that i am single, not having a bf..
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
when i'm with my ex..i tend to have a wall betw me and a guy...so that wall is still there..but slowly eroding lah...
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
sokka
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
ganbatte ar
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
looking 4ward to talk to u more in real life ar
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
thanks...i dun usually talk much offline anyways....but i will try to talk to u more ba..hahaha..i just need to get used to talking to a guy again..ahahha
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
hehe
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
u're my friend wa
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
hehe
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
another thing to note..online talking doesn't need a face..and u can type something but before pressing enter, you can retract what you want to say..incase it will offend
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
haix
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
like tat, i felt more sian ar
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
so in the sense, offline is harder, cos pple will be looking at you and you need to watch what you say..
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
heh..why??
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
cos i love to talk to ppl face to face ar, feels more comfortable, cos the feeling of alive is there ar
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
to me, can talk anithing from the heart de
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
no nid hide
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
cos i used to it le
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
either gd/bad, i also tahan
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
i used to prefer that way lah..but i'm quite a low-esteem person..so sometimes u see me, i dun look at ur eyes..cos i dun feel comfortable at pple looking at me..i dun like me...
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
u lack self-confident ar
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
major lack man..
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
nowadays okay le ba...
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
used to be really bad
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
but i still have problems looking into guys' eyes...
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
scare wat
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
nt eating u wa
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
i nid to bathe ke, superb late
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
later
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
hahaha..okay~
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
back
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
back to topic...
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
is not as if i am scared of guys
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
just feel uncomfortable looking into a guy's eyes..
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
sokka
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
scare of they like u or
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
nope...scared that they dont like what they see...
Thanks for the early bday gifts, guys & gals~ Realli happy~ And thanks for the cake crews XD says:
as in
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
like i say, i dun like my looks...and i have many experiences where guys looked at me in a condenscending manner...
Dream a little dream~ by Michael Buble says:
so i dun look into their eyes because i am scared of what they see..

Shall stop here since there's not much I said from then on..But yup, that is one thing I never thought of until Takuya asked me. And it is true that because I had a relationship, I feel I created a wall between a guy and I. But like I said, its eroding away. But the fact that I do not dare to look into their eyes is true.

But this is a barrier I would need to overcome, but that takes time..

About curry and fried rice

2005-08-26T04:57:00.001-07:00

Yesh, I decided to blog on my cooking for this week. You must be thinking that Ivy has nothing to post thats why the cooking post.

You can say that again~!

hahaha...

Anyway, lets start with Monday. I was at home the whole day so my mum asked to be cook Japanese curry. It's quite easy actually. Before you start, just make sure you bought those japanese curry paste (found in most major supermarkets. I got mine from Jurong Point Liberty~), a few potatos, chicken breast or thigh (although chicken thigh is really soft, you need to debone it, and that requires some tough work.), carrots and 2-3 medium onions. The amount of ingredients depend on how many people are having that curry.

So just cut everything (onions, carrots, potatoes, chicken) into reasonable sized cubes and get ready a pot. Heat the pot and pour in some oil and fry those onions!

When the onions are slightly transparent, add in the chicken meat. Stir fry the onions and meat for a few minutes.

Add in those potatoes and carrots and stir the ingredients around for another 2-3 minutes.

Add in water just enough to cover the ingredients (too much water and you will have a watery curry. But then again, if too much water, just let the curry cook for a long while and the curry will thicken)

Add in the curry paste (For this pot, I actually add in 3 pieces of the curry paste). Make sure your paste melts completely and stir the curry continuously. Let the curry cook, stirring it occasionally to prevent the curry from sticking onto the pot. And...

VOILA~! Japanese Curry!

And just now, I cooked fried rice for dinner as well. Is a rather easy recipe too! Make sure you bought eggs, a piece of fish cake, chopped cha siew (you can get them from the market), french beans and scallots (small purple onions..). And make sure you cooked the rice in the morning and let it cool.

Chop the fishcake into cubes, finely chopped the french beans and the scallots. Beat 3-4 eggs and add in a teaspoon of light soya sauce into the beaten egg.

Heat the wok and when the wok is hot enough, add in oil. Pour in the beaten egg. try not to stir it and let it cook into a omelette. Flip it if you can. Roughly cut it into pieces and take them out of the wok into a plate.

Then, add in the scallots and fry them. When they are browned, add in french beans and stir fry for awhile.

Add rice in and stir the rice into the beans. (Needs major arm muscle to do that..-_-'')

Add in fishcake and cha siew and stir fry. Then, add the eggs in and do more stir-frying. Add in seasoning (light soya sauce, hua tiao wine, large pinch of salt, sesame oil and pepper.). Test the rice to see if it is salty enough.

And Voila~! Fried Rice~!

And me tucking into my fried rice~! YUMMY~! ^_^

Hehehe....thats it for now... >_<

Till Death Do Us Apart

2005-08-14T05:49:00.000-07:00

"Till Death Do Us Apart". Whether it is an oath taken in Christian marriages, this line definitely suits the post title.

My mum's eldest brother, aged 63, passed away on 10th August 2005. It was a very sudden death, because just a week ago, he was still very much alive. From what I have heard from my relatives and parents, he actually had cancer and due to the chemotherapy, he was very weak and he fell and slipped into a coma. He was pronounced brain-dead on National Day and the doctors removed his life-support system the next day.

Frankly speaking, I wasn't close to my uncle at all. In fact, we only get to meet our relatives (both sides of our parents) once or twice a year, depending on how many celebrations we have. When my mum told us that our uncle had died, I was wondering whether the one I have in my mind was the uncle who had passed away. But my guess was correct.

I went to the wake on Friday since I have to attend to lessons and teach tuition on Wednesday and Thursday. When I saw the picture of my uncle, I felt really sad, because he was still so alive during the Chinese festive periods and now, he's gone. But since I wasn't close to my uncle, I didn't feel the loss as greatly as my mum and her family.

After the initial two days of rituals, today's the actual funeral, where his body was sent for cremation. Our family went early in the morning to wait for the actual ceremony. I was feeling particularly emotional today, especially when I have seen this sasunaru amv that Xiaobai downloaded. (well, thats another story..)

While waiting, I couldn't help but observe the people around me. I suddenly realised that one of my uncles was standing solemnly near the coffin and he was wiping away tears. As you've guessed it, I sobbed because it was really heart-wrecking. Soon after, the funeral band arrived and started playing songs that my deceased uncle liked when he was alive. Thats when my mum and my aunties started crying, and my grand aunt was seen sobbing as well.

But this is not the reason why I am blogging the funeral. My focus is actually the wife of my uncle, dua kim. I know that everyone eventually will die, but I cried during the funeral mostly because of my auntie. Too many unfortunate things have happened to her; she had a stroke only in recent months that leaves her wheel-chair bound. She grew thin and gaunt and I only managed to recognise her when I think it through. From what I have heard from my parents, my uncle was the one who tended to her. But a sudden turn of events and she's all alone, without the companion that she was married to, the companion that is always by her side, till now.

I cried everytime I saw her crying in grief and agony. She couldn't really accept that her old mate had passed away, leaving her alone in this world. My mum and her sisters just tried their best to console her but even when she's calmed down, she will suddenly burst out again when the band played one of those sad chinese songs (think Teresa Teng) and cried.

You may not understand how bad the scene was, but to me, it was really a heart-wrecking image and I just started crying. And whats worse was that she was physically unable to send her husband off to the crematory. Before the coffin was taken to the van, some of the aunties wheeled her towards the coffin but she got all worked out again. When the coffin was taken to the van, she was crying, yelling that my aunties are forbidding her to see him off. They had to lie to her and tell her she will get to see him off but that was a really sad lie.

Maybe I was really too emotional today, but the raw emotions displayed by my auntie was too much to handle. It didn't help that she was frail and wheel-chair bound and truly in need of alot of tender loving care. But with my uncle gone, she will be all alone, with only a maid to attend to her. Her children may attend to her, but nothing will ever beat the TLC from your old companion.

And there's another person that I cried after looking at her pained look; my grand mother. There's a chinese saying 'bai fa ren song hei fa', the white haired sending off the black hair. I think noone can understand the pain that she felt, looking at her eldest son's coffin and probably thinking why isn't it the other way round. During the actual ceremony, I caught a glimpse of her wiping her wrinkled face and looking sadly at my uncle's coffin. I just felt my chest ached and tears just flowed.

But this is what all humans have to go through, life, aging, illness and death. But even this is inevitable, the close ones will still grieve. But I hope my auntie will be brave and continue to live with whatever strength she has left.

Happy Birthday Singapore~

2005-08-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

My hometown, the place where I was borne and raised from a small baby to a half-matured adult is 40 years old tomorrow. I wasn't as old as Singapore, but roughly half its age. I never had to go through the separation of Malaysia and Singapore, the past turbulent periods of racial and political unrest.

Like what my lecturer told us last week during our Business Policy class, our generation had never came across large-scale strikes or demostrations. What our generation experienced is a different kind of environment from the past times. What we have to worry now are economic crisis, epidemics (Bird Flu, Sars, Pig or Cow diseases) and Terrorism.

But we Singaporeans have to be thankful that we have homes (whether it is HDB or private estates) that we can always return to after school or work. Our problems are nothing compared to other human counterparts living in developing countries such as parts of Africa, India, Indonesia and Philippines. Although I have never travelled to these countries before, I read about them in magazines and I've watched the documentaries on them. People in those poorer areas are either homeless, or they live in slums. Food and water are sometimes scarce to them due to natural disasters such as floods or droughts. Thinking about these facts makes me thankful and guilty at the same time. Thankful for a home that I have never really treasured well and guilty for wasting food and water because we are too used to them.

In addition, we are able to receive good and proper education and welfare from our government. Although many complained (including me in the past)that the education system in Singapore is lousy, we are still given good education all the way till 'O' levels. And from then on, you can either choose the JC route or the Poly route. And with our good standard of living and the fact that most familes are dual-income, even if you can't make it to a local university, we still have the option to further our studies overseas, or (like me) obtain a foreign degree through private institutions.

I believe we Singaporeans will often have a grudge or two on the way Singapore operates, but ULTIMATELY, I come to realise that we are indeed fortunate to be borne in Singapore, for it is a very safe country and we are able to receive good welfare and education unlike many countries around the world.

And while people in poor developing countries are thinking of how to keep themselves alive, I'm thinking of a different survival; to survive in a materialistic world, to maintain your 'face' in this kind of society. But which kind of survival is worse?

And though I craves for branded stuffs just because I see my friends having them, I will hit myself in the head and remembers how the poor lives and I will always be brought back to earth.

So enough of my bull-shitting and I shall write out something that I have been wanting to say since this morning;

Happy 40th Birthday Singapore, my homeland. Although I have my resentments at times, I am now thankful for what you have done for me, for giving me a place to live, an education which I used to think it sucked, and a materialistic society which I am still having problems dealing with. But all and all, thank you Singapore, because this is the place my friends and family are living in and I will always stay with them. I am still proud to be a Singaporean~. ^____^

Domestic Wife Syndrome

2005-08-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

I think I am very tame now. I don't know why, but after weeks and weeks of staying at home, I feel like a domestic wife.

It doesn't help that my mum has been telling me to do some housework, to cook our familys' dinner. Somehow, I think Da Chang Jing has also affected me, because of all the great cooking scenes. I somehow found myself enjoying cooking good soups and stews for my family; looking at the happy looks of their faces and praising me for the good stew is really good.

Yeah, as title suggests, I think I kena the Domestic Wife Syndrome..-___-'' But I think I am fine with it. Maybe I am just too bored at home and I have to do something to kill off the boredom. In addition, I am slowly getting sick of just wasting my time surfing Internet when I have no particular site to go. And I haven't had the mood to touch any reading books (yesh..I haven't touch the thick HP book..-__-'') because I was feeling very tired these few days.

And I am in a baking mood these few days! My friend told me about food blogs, where the blogger posts photos and recipes of the delicious food they made! I absolutely love those blogs! Shall add the links here!~~

So as I was saying, I ended up baking a good Butter cake on Friday for Saturday's breakfast. I think I took the cake out too early, because it was still quite dense. But it was still a good cake~ ^__^

My next project for this week shall be either Brownies or Chocolate Chip Cookies...I really can't wait to bake them and pass some to my ex-nanny cum neighbour and maybe to my tuition students!~ >__<

Oh, I love my students! They're sooo cute and naive!! I really missed those innocent days, when they just seems to be TOTALLY ignorant of anything. They do not need to care about the terrorism and the atrocities of war. They do not know what does it means by back-stabbing, teenage angst and bitching. They are so pure!

But too bad, in five to ten years time, they will become those bratty teenagers with a whole load of attitude and angst to scare off even the great whites! (okay..thats stupid..-__-'') I feel really happy when I teach them, because they give me a good peaceful feeling when I'm there. Although they can be naughty and active at times, they are so much easier to handle than teenagers.

And oh, for my elder sister's birthday, I'm doing this really good Devil's Food Cake, which is just chocolate cake with rich chocolate creme on it...I hope she will like it~!

I am now into this very old song called Tears by XJapan. I actually had the song from Requiem but that song only attracts me when i heard it in the Korean movie (Ye man shi jie), shown in Channel 56 of Cable TV. It was the part when the female lead grieves over the loss of her loved one and this song really give me that sad vibe.

The instrumental song Never Meant to Belong, found in Bleach OST also rocks. It's sorrowful tune; the violin, the piano all makes the song so depressing. Another song in Bleach OST Requiem for the Lost Ones is good too. I especially like the first part of the song!~

Am attempting to translate Nakushita Kotoba with huge difficulty, because the song is like a poem, where the words doesn't link well actually. But I hope to translate it well~ That's for Xiaobai's request! ^__^

Fireworks Display

2005-07-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

Hey friends,

For your information, the 2nd Singapore Fireworks Festival is here!! In conjunction with our National Day Celebrations, Marina Bay will host 3 fireworks display for 3 weekends!~

Here's the details:
Date : Saturday, 6th August 2005
Time : 7:45PM
Venue : Marina Bay
Theme : Portuguese-Themed

Date : Monday, 8th August 2005
Time : 11:59PM (Countdown to National Day)
Venue : Marina Bay
Theme : Singapore-Themed
Add : There will be a music performance by SCO

Date : Sunday, 14th August 2005
Time : 8:30PM
Venue : Marina Bay
Theme : French-Themed

Hope you can enjoy the colourful night of Singapore with those Fireworks Festival. Oooo..I am damn tempted to view those fireworks~!! ^^ Hope you can bring your close friends or close ones to enjoy the fireworks~ ^^

Me versus My parents

2005-07-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, I did it again. I caused unhappiness to my parents on Tuesday by announcing that I would like to change my religion.

If you didn't notice my previous posts in either this blog or my old blog, when I reached 21, I wrote that I would like to seek my own identity in life because

a) I feel I have no aim in life at all.
b) I feel like a person who just follows other peoples' wishes
c) Because of this, I lack of true confidence and I feel very lost at times.

So, I decided that I shouldn't just blindly follow my parents' religion but to seek for more knowledge on their religion and if that is not what I believe in, I shall look at other religions.

I find Taoism really simple, too simple in fact. My family prays mainly to Kuan Yin, but there are other deities that we'd prayed to. But I think what we are doing is too simple, it feels like nothing to me. We go to the temple, offer incense sticks to the deities, then offer our own prayers then leave the temple. All I do if I have problems is to pray and hope that Kuan Yin goddess can help me. I feel kinda useless in a way. Because everything is fate, everything is arranged for you.

But Kuan Yin isn't from Taoism at all, Kuan Yin is actually a buddhisattva, one of the disciples of Buddha. I heard from my dad that Kuan Yin is borrowed over from Buddhism to Taoism. So after much thought, I looked into Buddhism instead. Just when I have no idea where to search, I found out that a person I know is a buddhist and being a curious me, I decided to ask for guidance from that person.

From then on, I didn't look back. I was really convinced because the things i believed in in life (karma, reincarnation, cause n effect) really are the basis of Buddhism and I want to do something in my life to eradicate my bad karma that I've accumulated in this life and even my past lives. I shall not preach the contents here, else you may just fall asleep, hahaha...

But anyway, on Tuesday, I decided to talk to my parents and hope that I can get their acceptance to become a Buddhist follower. Frankly speaking, I am really happy and I feel a sense of self-identity when I made my decision to become a buddhist. But when I told my parents, all hell broke loose. haha..

They think I am too young to commit myself to a religion, that I shouldn't be too devoted and that religion is just a part of life. They think I have no say in this too because I am not financially independent, which I find this reason illogical because what has religion got to do with being financially independent???

My dad talked to me based on his own knowledge, and I know he makes sense. But my mum is really illogical. But I do not blame her. In order for me to go to the centre to pray, I gave excuses, telling her I went out with friends. I know I have did something bad, that is why I decided to tell them so that I can now live my life honestly.(minus the cosplaying though...that I wouldn't dare tell them at all!) My mum was really upset for not telling her anything until the very last minute, but how can I tell her when I know she will force me to stop going if I told her in the first place? But I know it was really wrong to lie to her and I know I have lost the trust she had in me again.

I only did this kind of 'never tell and then 'fess up' twice. 4 years ago, I didn't tell my parents I was going out with my ex. Something bad happened and I was forced to tell. Do you think I dare to tell them if I know my parents are very strict? Knowing my parents would kill me if I have a boyfriend, I attempted to keep my relationship with my then-boyfriend a secret. But as I said, an incident happened and I had to tell. The second time was this, the whole religion issue.

I really think my mum over-reacts in this. My dad talked to me that night and never mentioned it again. But my mum continued to have a 'talk' with me which is more of a one-way communication from her side. And she kept thinking that my break-up with my ex has something to do with the religion, which I kept insisting a no. And she kept thinking that I am being reckless because I broke off my 4 year relationship so easily. That's when I could no longer stand it and told her off for saying that. I told her it is not as if I want to wait for 4 years and just break it off. I told her once again, the reasons why I broke off with him and I added those that I didn't want her to know. I think I got her convinced my ex wasn't such a good boyfriend after all.

But that didn't stop her from talking about the whole religion issue. She said that I keep creating problems for her, that she's already very stressed and I gave her more stress. That she is worried because I always hide matters from her and then suddenly tell her stuff that will shocked her. That I really have too much time to spare to think of this kind of things. That SHE IS GOING TO STOP XIAOBAI AND MY JAPANESE LESSONS! (just because the relgion is japanese buddhism..-__-'')

Now you know why I can never tell her about my stuff. She can really link one unrelated thing to the other and I am really exaspperated by what she says. I told her to not implicate xiaobai in it, but I think she may just stop it. *sighs* Sorry xiaobai..T_T I must say sorry because this has nothing to do with you and yet..sigh..

But frankly speaking, I should have expected such an outcome, because in the first place, my relationship with my parents especially with my mum is just...bad..is like what Yuki in Fruit Basket says, that the buttons are wrongly buttoned onto the the shirt. From the very beginning, because of my parents, my sisters grew up to be kinda fearful of our parents. I do not dare to speak up, I do not dare to go out without permission, I do not dare to tell the truth thus I lie. That's why I don't communicate with my parents especially my mum because I think whatever I say may suddenly hit a nerve in them and they will either start nagging, or scolding me. Like my ex used to say, I have 'mother phobia'. hahahaha...

But this is something I have gotten by throughout my teenage years till now. But I wanted to improve this relationship with my mum. I will build back the trust she has in me again, but I am hoping that she will slowly open up and see things in her childrens' point of view, instead of just her's. When that day comes, I will really learn to love her and treat her even better. I hope that day will really come. -_-''

My take on Love and Relationship

2005-07-22T06:07:00.000-07:00

In response to Requiem's latest post on love and relationship, I decided to write about my thoughts about it.

We are unable to be true romantists in the kind of environment we are living in now. I maybe a romantist by heart, but sooner or later, I will change into a realist overtime. Which is not good. Thats why I used to think about leaving this materialistic country for a calm and peaceful environment, like in a countryside, where I can lead a peaceful life.

I kinda agree with Requiem that perfect romance are HARD to come by. I mean, in movies, you always happen to meet with that certain someone and that person happened to be your soulmate. As i said, in the kind of environment we are living in, we can no longer have fantasies of perfect romance. Look at the high divorce rates! I mean, if we have perfect romance in this world, why would married couples choose to quit just because they can't stand the pressure of having a family? Why would men stray after marriage? What got them into marriage is love isn't it? So just because they can't feel the love they're just going to quit and divorce one another to find another romance where they may even repeat the whole process again? But I think this only happens because of the environment we live in. The society's like that, so we became part of the society overtime.

After my relationship ended, I have alittle understanding of what love and relationships are like. A few years ago, before my first relationship, my cousin once told me that it is really better to have a person who love you more than you love him. At that time, I kind of agree because I had those unrequited love moments where you just happen to like a person who doesn't like you back. So I supposed having someone who loves you more will be better.

But now, after ending that relationship, I have to oppose to that statement because having someone who loves you more than you do to him is painful. Unless the gap between both of you are close, you will feel bad about having someone who loves you more. You feel alittle grateful for being treated well, but at the same time, although you feel for the person, the liking is not enough and you feel bad. And because of that, you tend to want to treat the person better, do things to please the person to replace that uneasiness you feel inside you.

Thats why, I rather that the love between both parties are equal, or for me to love the person more. Because I cannot stand having someone loving me more.

I realise something in me that I've always dismissed. I am a rather optimistic person, and although I have my depressed moments, I will always pick myself up after awhile and I will move on. So yah, thats me, and I will still look for someone to love and sincerely hope that the person will love me back as well. As I've said, I'm a romantist, I believe there's love in this world, but because of the society, we tend to feel cynical at times. Well, wait till love comes, all cynic thoughts will ba boom to outer space!~~ ^^

In the meantime, I shall seek a good life path and try not to dwell deep into this materialistic world. Is hard not to, especially for a business major student who's going to enter the tough corporate world, materialism is an addiction. But as I've said, I'm worried, but lets see how my life will turn out~. In the meantime, I shall enjoy these few months of student life~~~

Hana - English translation

2005-07-20T03:42:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I finally attempted to use both my lousy Chinese and Japanese to come up with a English translation for the song. I think there are certain parts that I can further improve on, maybe I'll need your help. If you know what word is appropriate, tag me.

English Translation
Flower

Like the time when flowers blossom,
like a dream, meeting you is like a miracle.
Loving one another, having occasional fights.
Together, we are able to overcome numerous obstacles.
Even if we recarnate, I want to be by your side, reborn as a flower.

Will it still be there, the sun above my head.
Will I'll be able to watch over, your expressions when you cry, when you laugh and when you're angry.
If there's a day when nothing exists, I will be even more grateful of meeting you.
On that day, in that time, a miracle happened at that place.
A new path will probably exist.

Because of love, I will be stronger. Because of trust, I can overcome anything.
Whatever you have left behind is still there, your ever glowing existence is always in my heart.
This is happiness, meeting you again, I'm able to regain my smile.
'Thank you' With overflowing emotions, I'll continue to walk on.

Like the time when flowers blossom,
like a dream, meeting you is like a miracle.
Loving one another, having occasional fights.
Together, we are able to overcome numerous obstacles.
Even if we recarnate, I still want to see you.

Like the time when flowers blossom,
Accept the whole world.
What you have left behind,
is a real treasure called 'Now'.
Therefore I will live even harder, to become a flower.

Why do flowers wither?
Why do birds fly?
Why does the wind blow?
And why does the moon glow?

Why am I here?
Why are you here?
Why do I get to meet you?
Meeting you, is what we call fate.

Like the time when flowers blossom,
like a dream, meeting you is like a miracle.
Loving one another, having occasional fights.
Together, we are able to overcome numerous obstacles.
Even if we recarnate, I still want to see you.

Like the time when flowers blossom,
Accept the whole world.
What you have left behind,
is a real treasure called 'Now'.
Therefore I will live even harder, to become a flower.

After the rain stops, a rainbow appears. A green storm creates light.
The thing that I can't give to others.
Do you noticed that the thing is called 'love'.
Can I continue to go on? I saw it,
"Memories" exceed time, forever echoing loudly.
Your delights, your sufferings, your everything.
Come, Blossom even more, more, more~!

Okay, first line :"is a real treasure called 'Now'" This in chinese hanyu pinyin is:
cheng(1) wei(2) 'xian(4) zai(4)' de(4) ze ge(4) xian(4) shi(2) de bao(3) wu(4). I think the part xian shi I interpret it as 'real' but I wasn't sure.

Second line:""Memories" exceed time, forever echoing loudly." In chinese hanyu pin yin, is: "xi(1) nian(4)" chao(1) yue(4) le(4) shi(2) kong(1), yong(2) yuen(3) de xiang(3) zhe(4)" The xiang(3) means loud, but I am more concerned of 'xi nian'. Should it be Memories? Because xi nian is more like missing someone, or thinking of someone. So yah..thats two areas I'm blur of..haha...

I'm so proud of myself suddenly..hahaha...^^

Hana ~ Orange Range

2005-07-19T08:15:00.000-07:00

Hana

Hanabira no youni chiriyuku naka de
Yume mitai ni kimi ni deaeta KISEKI
Aishiatte KENKA shita
Ironna kabe futari de norikoete
Umare kawatte mo anata no soba de hana ni narou

Itsumade mo aru no darou ka ORE no maue ni aru taiyou wa
Itsumade mo mamori kireru darou ka naki warai okoru kimi no hyoujou wo
Izure subete nakunaru no naraba futari no deai ni motto kansha shiyou
Ano hi ano toki ano basho no KISEKI wa
Mata atarashii kiseki wo umu darou

Aisuru koto de tsuyoku naru koto shinjiru koto de norikireru koto
Kimi ga nokoshita MONO wa ima mo mune ni hora kagayaki ushinawazu ni
Shiawase ni omou meguri aeta koto ORE no egao torimodoseta koto
"Arigatou" afureru kimochi idaki susumu michinori

*Hanabira no youni chiriyuku naka de
Yume mitai ni kimi ni deaeta KISEKI
Aishiatte KENKA shite
Ironna kabe futari de norikoete
Umare kawatte mo anata ni aitai

**Hanabira no youni chitte yuku koto
Kono sekai de subete uke irete yukou
Kimi ga boku ni nokoshita MONO
"Ima" to iu genjitsu no takaramono
Dakara boku wa seiippai ikite hana ni narou

Hana wa nande kareru no darou
Tori wa nande toberu no darou
Kaze wa nande fuku no darou
Tsuki wa nande akariterasu no

Naze BOKU wa KOKO ni iru n darou
Naze KIMI wa KOKO ni iru n darou
Naze KIMI deaeta n darou
KIMI ni deaeta koto sore wa unmei

(*REPEAT)

(**REPEAT)

Ame agari niji kakari ao arashi ni umareshi hikari
Koko ni yuruginai taisetsuna mono
Kidzuite'ru "aisuru" to iu koto
Mada arukeru darou? mieteru n da mou
"Omoi" toki wo koe toowa ni hibike
Kimi no yorokobi kimi no itami kimi no subete yo
Saa saki hokore motto motto motto

I love this song...And I so happened to have the musiQ album which has Hana in it. Inside this album, they've also provided both japanese lyrics AND the chinese translation for it. I think if I can find a chinese writing software, i will post the chinese lyrics as well. If not, I will try to translate the song from chinese to english..I think you would like that do you? ^^ This song is actually the ending song of Be With You...yes Takuya, it is a lovely movie and this song is as lovely as the movie~ ^_^

A Happening Week

2005-07-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah, last week was one of those weeks that was super happening. I started my tuition job on Monday (with a sorethroat) and I must say, the two cute primary students are so adorable. But when I look at them, I'm reminded how they will grow up to be teenagers who may fall under bad influence. And suddenly, I hope they retain their innocence and hope that they have a good future ahead.

Tuesday was just alright, I kinda forgotten what I did on Tuesday..I think I was doing nothing at home that day..

Wednesday was spent having a cold, feeling sick in the afternoon and going to the students' house to teach tuition in a sick condition. And when I went to their house today, I realised the elder sister was sick, and I think I was the person who spread it to her!! -___-''

Woke up on Thursday feeling anxious and strange. Thats because I was supposed to my ex for the second time in the week. On Monday, he happened to come by my neighbourhood to pick up his pre-ordered comic and he asked me to come by and meet him for awhile. Which I did. It was rather awkward but okay. I mean, there wasn't any tears rolling from our eyes and we just talked to one another like friends.

So I actually agreed to meet him again on Thursday. We met and we talked, had our lunch and walked about the Orchard road. Settled down at Coffee Bean where he read Naruto and Air Gear which I usually passed to him to read. But I kinda dreaded the long outing. He just happened to be rather quiet and leaving me to talk for most of our time together. And I hated that. Just then, Julia saved my day. She messaged to ask me out for a movie and I was like: "Hmm, should I go...?" Called her and found out she wanted to watch the movie that I had been DYING to go but haven't found a person to go with. Be With You. Wonderful reviews and a sad movie, so I couldn't help feeling the urge to go to Julia's invitation. What's more, it was her birthday on that day~ So, in the end, I told my ex that I will be watching a movie with her and he looked super unhappy. But he can't control me anymore, so he just have to agree.

Stayed for a little longer and we shopped for Julia's present. Then, we went HMV where I listened to some cool Da Chang Jing tracks (so sad..T_T) and just wondered about before we walked to Cineleisure. I was already feeling the drag of the outing and wanted him to go off, but he just wanted to stay with me till Julia came. (Julia was late though..hahaha) I know he wanted to patch back with me, because he was being too nice. But I see no point in patching back, and this outing further affirms my views.

Anyway, he left after I asked him to go a couple of times later. Met up with Eva and waited for the rest to come. Julia's church friends and a couple of cosplayers (who I don't know of) came and then Acktosh arrived late with Julia and another of Julia's friend. We entered the cinema 15 mins late and started watching the show..Damn it was good...I cried at the ending because it was damn sad and it brought back memories of my ex and I. But whats left are memories of him and I together in happier days, thats all.

We left Cineleisure and walked to TCC at Peranakan Place and sat there for awhile. Ordered Earl Grey Extra (which caused me to have a sleepless night) and listened to nonsensical talking among the guys. Was feeling very tired and sick so I decided to call it a day. But it was a good outing I feel~ ^_^

Cosfest 2005: SUCCESS~!

2005-07-12T05:02:00.000-07:00

Woooooooooooooooo....

It takes me two days to recover from the exhaustion I had after Cosfest..hehehe...

Anyways, Cosfest 2005 was my first cosplay debut AND it was the first time I went to Cosfest. I reached there with Xiaobai at around 1pm and once Requiem arrived, we rushed to the toilet to do dress up. It was a super low ventilated and warm toilet that led to me being whiny, irritated and sweaty. ESPECIALLY once I put on my red lens, I was immediately irritated, by the lens, by the heat, by the sweat.

I rushed out of the toilet as soon as I finished dressing up as an ANBU and settled down at the staircase to put on the remaining of my makeup. Imagine, a red-eyed, irritated girl sitting on the staircase, unable to focus as my lens were non-astimatism lens and I was desperate to try out the liquid eyeliner. Xiaobai's face was wet and her makeup keeps running, especially the eyeliner on her eyes. I was getting super fucked up with myself, the stupid weather and the pencil eyeliner.

And I decided to give the liquid eyeliner a go,which was pretty okay in the end, but I was trying not to smudge it with my hand. Then came the harder part, the Itachi lines. Xiaobai tried to draw a symmetric lines but couldn't do it, so I tried to draw 2 thick lines and rub away the line such that it became thin. And Tada!~ Itachi's done. Requiem and Xiaobai commented I look like a pretty Itachi. Acktosh passed by and yell out "Gui ah!!! (Ghost ah!!!)" -__-'' Thanks Acktosh...

So anyway, we got ourselves ready and once we entered the tent, I stopped smiling. Kaishi came along and passed me his Akatsuki coat which he was supposed to use for Cosfest. Anyway, I became a ANBU Itachi cum AKA Itachi all at once. But I was a partially blind Itachi and I couldn't see beyond 1 metre around me. I couldn't catch the performance because all seems blur to me.

I met up with Animus(ANBU ORO!!! GAY!!!), GWing and Aoi (Athrun and Kira, which Xiaobai mistaken GWing as Shinn >_<), Akira (Lusty lust, we had a lusty picture together XD), Daniel and Julia (Raito and Misa, very good cosplayers you both are!), Manda and many many others! I really had fun throughout, taking a little photos, having people taking photos of myself, interacting with a few cosplayers, buying some lovely fan arts. At the end of the event however, I was dying cos my eyes are 90% blind, my legs are aching and I haven't drank a single drop of water!!! And I am STILL having a bad sorethroat as a result of my drought on Sunday.

Thanks Takahan and Stephy for their lovely event!!! I think everyone enjoyed themselves in Cosfest right?!?!?! ahhaha...anyways, here's the link to my personal collection...isn't much, and the photos are mostly with Req, Xiaobai and I in it.

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2123938680

I'm seriously thinking of having a private photoshoot with some close cosplayers, like Dan(RAITO), Req(YONDY), Julia(MISA?), Kaishi(AKAITA), Animus(ORO), Xiaobai(SASU) and Acktosh(KAKASHIT! -__-''). Haven't had it planned yet, but if they are okay with it, I will go ahead with the organising and planning. And Dan/Req/XB/Kaishi, remember our initial *coughs* wedding photoshoot?? hahaha....well, we can do that on the same day as well..ahhaahaahaha.....*coughs*

Anyways, I'm looking forward to more cosplay projects in the future!! EOY: Ukitake from Bleach, and in 2006, I will cosplay XXXHolic's Yuuko and hopefully Uruha from Gazette!! >__<

Cosfest Deadline...

2005-07-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling excited about Cosfest actually. I guessed my recent soap opera episode had dampened my spirits...Furthermore, I am now stressed, because my whole costume is only 70% done...I only had 2 and a half more days to finish the whole costume get up...I'm stressed and I can't feel any excitment at all..

Too much sewing means lots of concentration needed...and I think I am quite exhausted...and I'm going to cheat for my Itachi black top..am just going to buy 2 black tops and use one as base, while the other the cloth to do the bloody stupid collar...had bought the black cloth..but i think I seriously had no idea how to DIY the whole top out...T_T

I hope Cosfest will go smoothly on that day...I assume there will be 4-5 ANBU Itachi's on that day actually...so I guess I won't be in the limelight...most likely take a few good pictures of some cosplayers, took some pictures with some cosplayers, look around the booths for good fan art (I think I will buy some of Manda's stuff.hehehe) and then hopefully had dinner with some cosplayers..hahah...I think it maybe fun, but I guess being a cosplayer is stressful..

I've been thinking about what kinda pose do I need to do, but Xiaobai says Itachi no need do pose, just stare and be cool...right...-__-''

Am still feeling sluggish...am suppose to finish up my vest today but I ended doing nothing at all...anyway, London won the Olympic bid to host Olympic 2012~~~!!! Am super happy 'cos I've expected them to win!~~ And Singaporeans show their involvement in the games by..............buying 4D/Toto with the lucky numbers of Olympic; the voting numbers, the date, etc..hahah....I'm very amused when my dad told me some 4D numbers are sold out 'cos they signifies the Olympic numerics...lol...

Am tired but I promised myself to finish up my vest by hook or crook today...so yah..am going to start now..

I seriously lack discipline..T____T

Memories

2005-07-02T04:33:00.000-07:00

I'm quite annoyed with my parents now. They seemed to be tempting me to patch back with my ex. I admit, the reason for my break up is rather simple and I could actually go back to my ex if he can change his short-comings. Frankly speaking, these few days without him has been a little agonising, because I kept thinking back the times I was with him.

When I passed by the places we'd been together, I would recall back what we'd done there and how happy those times were. I really missed him especially when I am alone at home, with nothing to occupy my mind. But I kept my temptation to patch back because I knew in my heart that patching back is just a way of escape from the pain I am feeling now.

He asked me to call me yesterday, which I did. I kinda feel obliged to talk to him, because I was the one who initiated the break up. When I heard his voice, it was rather painful, and especially so when he asked me what did he done wrong that could cause me to insist on a break up. That phone call was really painful...in a way that I cried my heart out and really feel damn upset with him. He caused me so much pain, months of taken for granted, neglience and his non-action when I told him he neglected me months back. He was my support when I was down and sad...but he wasn't there when I needed him these few months. He didn't provide the emotional support that I need when I am feeling stressed with my studies. He expects me to come looking for him, but he never expects himself to come looking for me.

Too many resentment towards him and with relationship becoming stale, I decided it is really time to end this. But I didn't know it was so hard, to let go of someone I love for 4 years, to see someone who loves you becoming heart broken. He said at least if there is a third party, it would be easier, since only one of us will be heart broken. But because there isn't any third party, both of us felt the pain of the loss of relationship.

My ex told me we could still be friends, which I know we will. After all, he is a good friend to me. But not now, I can't meet him nor talk to him at this current moment. Talking to him hurts, meeting him will make me cry. I know I am weak...my mum says I shouldn't cry easily, it is a major disadvantage and I will be bullied both in personal and work matters. But what can I do?! This is a relationship that failed, can't I be sad? Can't I cry over the loss?

I woke up today with swollen eyes and feeling a void in my heart. I feel like this time, it is truly over. He called yesterday to confirm if this is really over, if there is any chance to patch back, in which I insisted a no. Then we talked about some unresolved issues between us and thats when I realised, I need to start packing up the photo frame I had on my table, with the picture of us together before he went NS. I need to put away the old ring he gave to me, but I think I should just leave it on my display table as it is...It has sentimental value to me.

He told me if possible, not to have any relationship for these past few months, which I told him I would. To end a 4 year relationship is tough, and getting over it is tougher. Moreover, I have no intention to be attached because I want to be free from restriction of a relationship, simply said, I am sick of being attached now. It is really ironic how in the past, I yearned to be attached..but now, I rather be single.

I'm still quite dead in my emotions now, because of my draining phone call to him yesterday. Well, as Aoi-kun says, I will get over this, because I am a strong woman. Thanks Aoi for your support. ^__^ Oh yah, not to mention my little sister XIAOBAI!!! Thank you my lovely sister, though you have little love experience, you are still a listener when I am sad and comforts me when I am really down...thanks!~ And also Requiem, for stuffing me with her Dir en Grey stuff..ehhehe...

In the meantime, I am rushing the ANBU vest for cosfest NEXT SUNDAY!!! And I am still halfway through with Requiem's vest (YESH!! REQUIEM!!! YOU OWE ME ONE!!!) I still have to finish my vest AND my itachi top (hopefully) by Saturday.

I seriously wonder what I should do after Cosfest...I need to start exercising, my tummy and my triceps are bulging with fat now..hahaha....

Oh yah, I think alot of people find tall girls a rare sight...the tailor we'd went to for Bleach group today was like saying I'm tall lah, and when she measured my legs, she was saying something that half of my legs can be someone else's FULL leg length....I was like 'okay....-__-'' ' In addition, I parted my hair to centre parting, in preparation for my itachi hair getup...and I think I look geeky in it...xb says I look girly...kinda, since I clipped my hair to prevent them from falling back to the usual parting...Requiem says I looked geeky though..hehehe...Will show you the picture that I took with requiem another day...if you don't mind req, I think you look good in it lah..hehe ^__^

End of Chapter

2005-06-26T10:10:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I aimed to do was done...I broke up with my boyfriend officially today...Why officially, 'cos I initiated it on Friday but it is only today that we really broke up.

To certain friends that seen me after my break up from friday onwards, I seemed rather calm and composed...but I am truly numb and dead inside. Imagine feeling emotional for every day for the past few weeks...I feel super drained and tired. I couldn't smile when I am alone, couldn't laugh as loud as I had in the past, and my mind just draws blank when I am with my friends sometimes.

But this is not over yet...I need to get over the whole break up before I can really pull myself up and smile again. I just need more time.

sigh...

EXAM's OVER~~~~

2005-06-23T08:45:00.000-07:00

My exams are over and done with~~!!! After 3 weeks of major slogging, brain tissue killing and lots of sms-es to tell people that i am bored of studying, I am finally free from my semester exams!!!!!~~~~~

Now to plan out what to do during my one month holiday:
1) From now till before 10 July 2005, I am to concentrate on making XB, Requiem and my ANBU vest, and to get ready for the big day~~~!!! IS MY BIG DAY 'COS THAT WILL BE MY DEBUT COSPLAYING EVENT!!!

2) To find a bloody job to support myself or else I can forget about my bleach cosplay...T___T

3) To resolve the two things that I said I will by July

4) To write out my incomplete SDK fanfiction...-__-''

5) To exercise, kill off my flabby thighs and arms..hehehe...

6) Meet my ex-boss, friends, cosplayers, etc...

7) Nothing I can think of..hahaha....

Yeah...thats probably what I will be doing for this whole month..hehehe...^__^ before my new term starts....three freaking difficult subjects (International Advertising, Retail Marketing and Distribution and BUSINESS POLICY!!), three freaking exams again...sigh....

Rave Manga:Naruto Manga

2005-06-08T05:38:00.000-07:00

Xiaobai refused to buy Rave book 31 when it was out in the comic book stores. She told me the one super cool and handsome Sieghart, who initially was a villain died in the book. When she told me that, I went:"OMG!!! WHY DO THEY KILL HIM OFF!!!" Furthermore, the reason why she refuses to buy is that we would just probably cry like mad women when we read the parts. No kidding, because Rave's art is so expressive in terms of characters' emotions, one really feels the sorrow of the characters.

For girls such as I, who cries easily, the manga is simply a tear-jerker. I cried when Haru's father's good friend dies, and I cried when after his father's friend passed away, Haru's father sacrifices his life for Haru to live. Subsequently, there are other characters' death that forces my tear duct in action; Elie's ex boyfriend who was a baddie, Reena who was a villian that fell in love with Musica and Siba, the first Rave master who dies after fighting with Haru to help Haru become the true Rave Master.

It so happens that she bought book 31 and 32 yesterday, and I immediately reached for book 31 to find out how Sieghart dies. His death was sadder than I have imagined. He sent Haru and Elie back to the future after Elie recalled everything about her past. He couldn't go back with them because he had to control the time portal for them. And because Sieghart loves Elie, he gave his life to protect Lisa (who was actually Elie)'s grave for 50 years until Haru, Elie, Sieghart and the gang arrived at the grave 50 years later.

50 years later, which was the current time, Haru and Elie returned back from the past and griefs for Sieghart's death. It was really sad, how Sieghart hides his love towards Elie and dies for Elie. That was probably his form of love towards Elie, but that was too darn sad.

I think Sieghart's death had broke alot of female Rave readers' hearts. Mine included. I was practically bawling with sadness, listening to the borrowed tunes of Sadness and Sorrow and Grief and Sorrow. I really hoped, like what Haru said in front of Sieghart's grave, that the other characters mustn't die. T___T

Speaking of character's death, if you have read the latest Manga chapters, Gaara's ichibi was extracted out and Gaara was left to die. Alot of Naruto's readers think that Gaara won't die, but I have my doubts. Because Kishimoto never gave a predictable ending. He may really kill Gaara off for plot's sake, but he could follow the fan girls' wish and leave Gaara alive. Man, I can't wait to see the fate of Gaara...I hope he will be alive though, he was a sad kid to begin with and was just becoming a better person when Deidara came in and trashed him. T__________T

Signs:Changes

2005-06-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wished to have a sign or an answer given to you for a question or problem unresolved?

Like when you are thinking whether you should buy that top, and you somehow gotten an answer from the surroundings instead of the people around you?

Have you have the feeling something is trying to tell you something indirectly through people, background music or anything?

I've just realised I have been receiving alot of signs for an unresolved problem. While in KTV, the song that I wanted to sing addresses the apparent answer; the Joss Stone music video I saw in Topshop today addresses that too. Thats when I noticed, the answer had been around me since a long time back. i recalled the genre of music that I've always been attracted to; the songs that I have sung in my past KTV sessions, the nudging feeling inside my mind that something is wrong. All these are so out there, right in my face. But I chose to ignore them.

I actually wanted to resolve it today, because I cannot hold it any longer. But I received a sign that it isn't the right time yet. Well, guess I have to wait for the right time to resolve it.

A few hours ago, I was just telling xiaobai that when I was working as a part-time staff after my 'O' levels, there was once when I was on bus 157 home, when I did something odd. I spoke to the stranger beside me. It was weird, because I never do that before in my entire life, but I guessed I was a desperate loner then. I only recalled bits of what I've asked her and what I have spoken to her (she's the same age as me, in the same JC as my cousin for her 3 months' course...thats all I remembered). Xiaobai got a huge shock that her sister actually did something weird. Come to think about it, if a girl beside me suddenly started talking to me, I would have felt weird out too. hehe...

Then I realised, I was a super desperate loner. So lonely that I urged myself to speak to some unknown stranger. But how time changes a person. I don't believe I would do that now. Maybe I have mellowed my impulsive behaviour (although that doesn't apply to shopping ;) ), but I think I am still a dare at heart. I wanted to try bungee jumping, because I wanted to experience the feeling of falling. I wanted to try out new and exciting stuff, like parachuting, scuba-diving and many other activities. I hope I would have time for all these though!! heheh....

Oh yah, don't try the Darlie Teacare Toothpaste...its bitter and weird....-_-''

I came across a youngster's blog yesterday...I must say, I hope that that girl just used that kinda English on her blog and not in her exam..-_-'' it hurts reading her blog actually...lol...and she had alot of action stuff too...Requiem and Kaishi would know what I meant..hehe....e.g. *glomps on XXX*

*snickers*...hahaha...I'm being infected...lol..

Colours

2005-05-26T11:56:00.000-07:00

What are the colours I like?

hmm...good question. I do not have a colour that I really like, but if I must choose, well, maybe purple. I love purple, the rich and sensual colour. Second...initially I thought of blue, but actually, I think I may like Black or Red. Black is the colour of darkness, while Red is passion. I love red, not for the passion, but because it is loud and attractive. Black with red is the best contrast that I can think of. Blue is a good colour too, sky blue, dark blue feels deep and comforting.

There are these colours I dislike. Grey, this is the colour I dislike. Why? Because it is a colour that is between white and black. To me, grey is something unnoticable, a colour where no one notices, where people passes it by without looking at it. That feeling that I sometimes had when I am alone. That I am grey. Thus I hate grey.

Then it is yellow and orange. I do not particularly like these colours because they are too bright, something I am not. I am not someone in the light, my moods are more towards the darkness than light. Thus, yellow and orange is too bright for me. Beside, the two colours make me look/feel fat..hehe..

I do prefer neutral colours too, like skin colour and brown..they are earthy...which I like. So there you go, my view on the colours that I like, and dislike. ^__^

A Daydreamer that lives in her dreams

2005-05-23T11:16:00.000-07:00

Yeah...I somehow recall something that I wanted to write out now so here I am, blogging once again..

I am a dreamer. I sat on the bus, watching the scenaries pass by and I daydreamed. I sleep and I dreamed. But I live in my dreams. I replayed images of has been or had been in my mind and twisted it around. Things I have regretted, how would it be if I didn't do what I had done, or said what I should say. Past mistakes will be brought up and replayed in my mind, and I will change it so that I made no mistakes at all. But it is impossible, because once I change it, I feel regretful, because in my mind I imagined a good ending, but in actual fact, it never happened.

Then I will imagine of might be, like if I die now, what will happen to the people around me. I often do that, I will imagine my own funeral, i will think about how people will react to my death. Or i will imagine I have a major illness, and what will happen when I am dying on the bed, with people around me. Will I say anything, or will I just die.

I will imagine what I will happen to me if I speak up to my mum, if i leave the house, if I go abroad, if I become successful...and many many other things...

You may say I am really free to think such things, but no, all these are thoughts while riding on the MRT or bus alone, while trying to get to sleep, while doing nothing at all. And sometimes, I really wish I can live in my dreams, because I will make it so fine in there that it will be a happy ending.

But when I snapped back to reality, it looks so bleak to me..but thats reality. Reality never looks good anyway. Escaping is no use, but that doesn't stop me from not doing so. I escaped to my own dreams because I am weak, I am unable to makes my good dreams come true. So I will live in my dreams until one day when I am stronger, and tougher to pull my dreams from my mind into reality. Till now, I shall continue to dream, to imagine my success. For without it, I will not have the desire to seek success in my life and my life will be meaningless.

End of project 1: Unresolved issue

2005-05-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

I actually have alot of things to say, but somehow, I didn't manage to log into blogger in time to remember them. But anyway, I've just catch Bleach manga 179 and Naruto 260. Both are equally good reads, since I get to see Byakuya's soft side as well as Itachi's smile in the two chapters.

And I have just finished up one of the projects in which I was the leader. I must say, I don't like being a leader..there are too many thing I have to handle, responsibilities to take and conflicts to handle. But I think I pull it off quite well, although in the group of five, only four of us are doing work. The other girl..well, she had her personal problems, causing her to be totally blanked out from school work. I don't know what to say, but to me, I feel she should have been more responsible in her work. I think no matter how bad the situation is, you must draw a line between personal and work matters.

While doing this project, I am also trying to overcome one of my personal matters. This matter leaves me completely drained and tired, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to shake that matter off. It doesn't help when I don't know what I am thinking is right. I couldn't really smile much, because I don't feel like smiling anymore. But I continued with the project, because I know life goes on.

And this matter is simply unresolved, because of my weak conviction. I hate confrontations, so to put it simply, I do not know how to approach this issue. I do not trust my opinions, but my opinions are the final judges to this matter. What I fear is that my judgement is wrong. If I resolve this matter wrongly, I will live to regret it. But on the otherhand, I have no wish to drag this issue any further..it has been with me since a few months ago, and it is still unresolved.

I just wish I am less wishy washy and put more effort to resolve this issue. But how can I do it when I know the outcome is not going to be pretty? I wish I have an answer to this...

And I have two more projects plus upcoming exams..but I guessed I should hold this issue till after my exams, when I have more time to think about it. The people who I've consulted tell me to think thoroughly before I act. I think I will...definitely..

Okay, I think I am going to die soon if I didn't start producing stuff for my other projects..T_T...

Good nitey~!

My Bleach Post:End of SasuNaru arc

2005-05-13T01:34:00.000-07:00

Firstly, let me start with the bleach memo thingy..haha....with my name as ironyv, I had an affair with shuuhei!!! hhaha....with my name Ivy, I had an affair with GIN!! and my spouse is SOIFONG!!! A BISEXUAL!!! -_-''

Your Bleach love affair by hagane_ready
Name
Age
You have an affair with	Shuuhei
Even though your spouse is	Tousen.
Then	Kon sees you snogging your secret lover
and demands that you	sleep with him/her for three nights
or else	he/she will tell your spouse that you're cheating on him/her.
In the end, you are rescued by	Momo.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your Bleach love affair by hagane_ready
Name
Age
You have an affair with	Gin
Even though your spouse is	Soi Fong.
Then	Kon sees you snogging your secret lover
and demands that you	be his/her slave for ten days
or else	Jinta will pull your hair out.
In the end, you are rescued by	Soi Fong.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

lol...anywayz, if you have seen the latest spoiler parts of chapter 178, AIZEN IS SOO EVIL!! BUT HE LOOKS SO SMEX WITH HIS HAIR BRUSHED BEHIND AND WITH NO SPECS ON!!

And Gin is soooo........sad...sigh...I really support GinxRan relationship..they are like the star-crossed lovers sia..sigh...

I can't wait to see the full 178 chapter..and I am very curious since, this chapter is the end of the soul society arc...so what now? I believe Kubo will have more to offer..hehhe....can't wait..

*SOBS* yesh, I watched Naruto anime ep 134...yesh, they finally end that painful arc..Sasuke and Naruto had a bond that even after they fought, it will never be broken. And according to some livejournal user, the anime is doing filler episodes before Kakashi Gaiden...NOOOOOO!!! I want to see Kakashi Gaiden..it so happens that manga 27 was out this week and Xiaobai bought it. When it came to the part where Obito was crushed, I really feel pained and sad. I cried when Obito offers his sharingan eye to Kakashi, who even now (as in when Kakashi became older), couldn't forgive himself for not being able to save Obito.

Yeah..I realised Naruto is a very friendship-centered story..think Sasuke and Naruto and Kakashi and Obito. Think about the strange reason why in order to obtain Magenkyou Sharingan, you have to kill your closest friend. And I think Naruto will be darker as the plot continues, and I am loving it everyday!!

Expectations and more expectations

2005-05-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

How do you like trying to live up to people's expectations?

Noone like it..in fact, expectations are frustrating and heart-aching.

I spent alot of time in my past, trying to live up to my parents' expectations. You see, I am not a bright student, and I would bring back below average results to my parents. I remembered I was always asked to 'pull up my socks' and to buck up in my studies.

Expectations started to appear when I went to secondary school. It was only in Secondary 2 that I studied harder and get better grades. At that time, all I wish to do was to prove to my parents that I am good and I aimed for the science class in Secondary three. In the end, I'd gone into the science class but I was unhappy. Because my mum just told me to continue and hope I can maintain my grades in the class.

I was rather frustrated, because that is not the response I wished to hear. I wished to hear more motivating and uplifting words...I wished to hear her praise me. What was worse was that she compared my results with my elder sister, whom, together with my younger sister are smarter and scored better grades than myself.

I did hate myself for not being a bright student, but I did continue to work hard for my 'O' levels and in the end, I scored. Well, not as well as my two siblings, but to me, it was an accomplishment. From being a C student in Mathematics, I managed to tackle both Additional Mathematics and Elementary Mathematics with a B3 and an A2 respectively. That is something that I have achieved through hard work.

My motto in life is to work hard to get what I want, because I know that the things that I wanted will not be easily obtainable. But it sometimes get really frustrating and tiring, because here you are working your ass out, while you see another person being alot smarter than you and by the end of the day, the results are the same...That really hurts...but well...that's my life path I have to undergo..

I hate expectations now...I wish they can just go away from me..I wish I can run away and avoid them. But somehow, I knew in my heart that I can't just run away...I have to face them. And facing them means to keep up with what I have and push myself harder to perform well.

But I wish I can just take a break and relax once in a while...going on a holiday would be nice...but oh well.. I am a student with no income, so I think maybe I should just give myself some time-out and replenish my mental and physical energy..

Good nitey peps...^__^

Naruto episode 132:Steam Boy

2005-04-29T08:09:00.000-07:00

*sobs* (song Sadness and Sorrow playing on the media player)

Naruto episode 132 was out yesterday...and I catched it once the bittorrent download was successful.

It was sad.....really sad...

I absolutely love Junko san for putting up a great voice in expressing Naruto's emotions throughout the whole episode. She really pull the sad and angsty voice out to match what Naruto was feeling.

Sasuke wa baka!!!! T_T....

Nara Animation has improved in their animation skills. I believe the episodes from the beginning of the chase till now were extremely well-done...especially the recent few episodes. Everything was beautiful; the art, music and the seiyuu...

I cried when I saw the part where Sasuke pierced his hand through Naruto's right chest. Junko san really pulled that one out beautifully. I love her!!!!

Xiaobai says Non-tan did well too, considering Sasuke did have a super angry and angsty voice. But I think the main star for that episode was Naruto(with Junko's voice).

Kanashii na....Naruto wa..zutto sabishii ne....*sobs*

BAKA SASUKE!!!! T_T...

Okay...leaving that sad and angsty episode behind...I have just watched Steam Boy, which I have bought the DVD a week ago. I actually wanted to catch it when it was featured as the opening film for the Singapore Film Festival...but it was a sold out.

The art was FANTASTIC!!!! I love the skies and the background and I love the story plot as well.

The story was about a young boy named Ray who loves inventing. His father and grandfather are scientists, as well as researchers. The setting of the story is when steam was widely used for automating machinery. One day, Ray received a parcel from his grandfather. Inside this parcel, was a round metal container and couple of instructions written on paper. With the steam ball, Ray found himself being chased after by a US federation and was subsequently caught.

He found out that his father was working for this federation and the steam ball was used to create Steam City, and his father intended to create a new world that's fully automated using steam. Soon after, he found out from his grandfather that his father's intentions were evil and he had invented massive weaponry that could start major wars around the world. He also found out that the federation had invited the army leaders of different nations to purchase these weaponry.

With his grandfather, he ran away with the steam ball and met Mr Stevenson, an envoy for Britain. He passed the steam ball to Mr Stevenson but realised that Mr Stevenson had the same intentions; to use the ball for battle purposes. What follows was chaos and a loss of control over the Steam City.

What happens next? nah...I shan't tell you..go watch it yourself..hahah....But really, I love the whole animation...the seiyuu for Ray was good too...and they apparently almost destroy the whole of london. I give it 2 thumbs up!!! >__<

*yawns*...end of blog...hehe...

Themes: Values learnt in Animes/Manga

2005-04-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

Something that I have been pondering for days ever since I've watched a short episode of Gundam Seed while on the bus.

That episode was the second last episode, where Earth used nuclear weapons to destroy Zaft's fortress and proceeds to attempt to invade Zaft's headquarters. That's where Kira and Athrun used Meteor to destroy the nuclear weapons and attempted to stop the fight between Earth and Zaft.

I saw that episode before, when my sister xiaobai borrowed from her friend. That last few episodes were really sad and wonderful. I didn't watch the earlier episodes but watching later episodes were good enough for me.

Those few episodes are impactful. They bring out the horrors of war, the neverending suffering on both sides of the war. After I watched the last episode, I felt sad and it left me teary.

Why?

Because war is bad. Gundam Seed manages to bring that out. Yes, it is an anime with lots of violent scenes. But it teaches us that war is bad, that people suffer because of war. That nuclear weapons or any dangerous and damaging weapons are evil and lethal. Even though the anime is dramatic, and cliche, the underlying message is big and clear: THERE SHOULDN'T BE WAR! WAR IS BAD!

Naruto is another anime/manga that has good underlying message. Naruto comes across as a 'real' story, because all the character are very real. Fans of Naruto are attracted because the story relates to them closely. The feeling of loneliness, friendship problems..these are real to all of us.

Naruto touches people because even though the characters have sad past, they are able to come out of it in the end...is like a rainbow appearing after it rains. Of course, the person who brings those characters who had fallen into darkness was Naruto...but he himself, with his sad past, can still be optimistic about his future. I wish I can be like him..hehe

Fruits Basket is another manga which I love...because it touches on finding your own identity, standing up towards adversity and many others which I can't explain. Especially the story on the tiger Kisa...how she stopped talking because her classmates laughed at her everytime she opened her mouth. She finally picked herself up with the help of Tohru...who gave her hope and love...

I really love the part, because when you are hurt, when you fell into depression, only that person who gives you love and concern can pull you out. That person could be anyone, as long as the person truly loves you and wishes you well.

What's my moral of post? ANIME/MANGA ARE GOOD!!! NOT EVERY ANIME/MANGA ARE BAD, VIOLENT AND HORRIBLE...

*coughs*

yah....I don't know why, I love to write in my blogs nowadays..hehe

New Blogskin!!~

2005-04-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

hahahah...not new lah...just a modified one from the blog skin I had for my old blog...I just wanted this picture to be used for my blog...so I went through the hassle of modifying the blog myself...turn out fine actually!!! >__<

Thanks to the original blogskin maker, the artist who drew Kanda (yes...Kanda from D Gray Man...is a HE by the way...>__<) and the trailing words are lyrics from Gackt's Miserable...THANKS!!!~~~~

AHH!! I LOVE THIS LAYOUT!!~~~ >___<

Death's knocking on the door

2005-04-18T07:53:00.000-07:00

If you have read the Straits Times a few days ago, at a small vertical column, there is an article on a 25 going 26 year old man who collapsed after running the treadmill in the gym. He was announced dead when he reached the hospital.

That man was my university classmate's friend's husband. If you continue to read on, the article said that they had only been married for 47 days. And he was gone now.

My friend told me this afternoon when we met for our project work that they had a memorial service last week and her friend (the wife) went up on stage for a testimonial. She was strong, and she held back her tears as she relate how they have first met, how she found out from his diary that he loved her since that first time and had already wanted her to be his wife.

She relates how loving was her husband and how he always did the housework for her even though they are both working. She relates that he had always kept the two eggs that she gave to him. (She drew a girl and a boy's face on each egg) She relates how on that day he died, the egg with the boy's face fell on the ground and broke when she wanted to show the eggs to her friend.

Throughout the whole testimonial, she never cried. She held back her tears and spoke with determination and strength. My friend however, cried. She felt so sad because their marriage had only just begun and her friend was now without her loved one.

They were Christians though, and their belief was that one will go to heaven when they died. Thus, the service, although filled with grief and sadness, was to 'celebrate' that the husband had went onto heaven and begin a new life there.

I would have cried too, if I am at that memorial service. I would cry too, if I've heard that my loved one had passed away, without me by his side. I would not be able to think for a few months probably, and would felt my life is meaningless without him by my side. Grief and sadness are the worst thing that one had to experience.

But after grief, sadness and suffering, what was left for you is a harder shell, a different outlook in life where you would really cherish your close ones and a new beginning. This reminds me of the music video of 'Fighter' by Christina Arguilera. After the pain and suffering, you will become a stronger person and that is what humans have to go through.

My friend wondered why a relationship would be shortened so aruptly, since they are so happy together. The other friend who was with us told us that thats because the karmic relationship of these two had ended. That both have paid up what they owe of one another and that relationship ended when they are no more debts between them. This is karma, destiny and fate.

As you can see, my friend is a christian, while the other believes in spirituality. I like listening to their beliefs, and I am glad that they never try to push me to believe in their beliefs.

I shall end now by sending my deepest condolences to that friend of hers, and the family of the man who died.

Life:Choices

2005-04-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

Life Choices

Choices are troublesome,
Choices are hard.

Choices make people happy,
But they can make one sad.

Why do people have to make choices?? They are troublesome, they are hard to decide and they will affect the people around you.

I hate making choices, making decisions. I am a indecisive girl, who prefers people to decide for me. But I am also contradicting, because I will be unhappy if the choice is not good. The reason is that I do have a choice I want but I am afraid of the consequences if I choose it.

If I choose it, what will happen? Will I regret it in the future? Will there be any consequences? Will I cause harm or hurt another? Will I look back at my life 5-10 years later and said: 'I have made the wrong choice.'?

Yes, I am a worry freak. But it is true. Who likes making choices, knowing that it might turn bad? Who likes to come to a decision that is bad? IF it is positive, of course people like it. If it is something bad, if it involves hurting another as a result of your decision, will you still be willing to take that choice?

Thats why I hate making decisions. Choices and decisions are troublesome, they affect the love ones around you, they affect the people around you. And, they affect you.

But life is all about making decisions, choosing the choice you want or prefer. And either live to love it, or live to regret it. I hate it, it is not what I wanted in life. I prefer a carefree, no worries life. But it is impossible, because we are humans who can think and control our own actions, not animals, not insects, not machines.

I truely hope that one day, I can turn back and look at my life again and decide that I lead a wonderful life. Hope is one thing many wishes everyday to have. Some has it, some doesn't get it at all.

Relationship that goes on for too long...

2005-04-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year, I found out from my polytechnic friend that the other friend of mine became single in December last year. The current status was that both found a new partner. Her relationship with her ex-boyfriend was a four year long relationship, and would have gone on to the fifth year if the relationship survives.

Just a few days ago, my current uni group mate just message me and told me that her boyfriend of six years broke up with her because of a waitress in his dad's disco. They have been having some problems lately, due to the fact that her boyfriend was busy with polytechnic and his dad's new disco business. They separated for awhile before going back...but it didn't last.

My other uni classmate broke off with her boyfriend of 3 years because she couldn't stand his split personality behaviour anymore. She had been trying to compromise with him, but he was the one being unreasonable...

I wonder how do people break off the bond that they built up over the years...don't they find it sad? Do they thought about the whole thing before breaking off? Or is it an impulse move?

Why in the world do they get together in the first place, only to break off the relationship?

I believe they get together in the first place was due to the fact that they love/like one another and found similar interests with each other. They feel the chemistry between one another and wish to move further. They enjoy one another's company and thats where the relationship starts.

But thats when problem starts coming in.

The long conversations with one another starts to dwindle to a few minutes talk. The interests that they used to have are no longer there; each changes and has different interests. They no longer put in efforts in making the relationship work. The personalities change as time goes by, so the things one used to like about the other no longer exists. One finds out undesirable traits of the other, causing doubts in the relationship.

Or simply, the love for one another is gone.

There are many people who do not love but stays on the relationship, because the other one has become a part of his/her life. If he/she breaks off, there will be a void in his/her life...and they will feel the urge to patch back that void.

There are also people who still love the other but decides to leave the partner because of reasons like time, money, pain inflicted by the partner...etc...

Frankly speaking, relationships are complicated, one should never jump into a relationship when you are not ready for one.

A relationship that drags for too long is rather dead...but if both of them makes an effort to revitalise the relationship, then that relationship can be a all new one. Note both because the effort must be together or else the other who puts in more effort will slowly give up.

And in the beginning stage of the relationship, if you find that person to be uncompatible, try to accept the partner. But if you don't find a future with him/her, break off. This will help you in the future when the bond in the relationship is so strong that you do not bear to break the bond anymore. And being with someone you know there is no future with will be very very painful.

Okay..haha...is my personal opinion lah, looking at other people's painful experiences...very subjective and really, a relationship holds different meanings to different individuals...

In a modern society, how do you keep your relationship alive? I wonder...

Another boring week:Jrocking!~

2005-04-07T05:07:00.000-07:00

I've just realise that it has been awhile since I have written a proper blog post...hahah....guess managing two blogs at one time is kinda difficult.

Anyway, I have catched the recent Naruto anime episode 127-128 and I must say, the anime is getting better! Better quality in terms of animation and music, and the action scenes are good too! I recalled there are certain parts in the anime where the animators actually did a sloppy work on the art, causing naruto to have a slightly distorted face..*sighs*...

But the anime is really getting better. I am so excited when I've heard that there will be a new opening and ending song for Naruto. Can't wait to hear the new songs! I've always like the songs from Naruto....Oh yah, Bleach had a change of songs as well...but I think there are alot of Bleach anime fans who actually prefer the first opening and second ending. But I think you have to change the songs to suit the flow of the anime plot.

The manga graphics are usually more impactful, because the animators tend to reduce the gruesome or 'ouch' parts. However, anime brings out the emotional scenes with their sorrowful music and the voices of seiyuu. Which is better is really up to an individual's preference...I prefer reading manga actually. ^_^

I have found a liking towards Japanese rock songs. It was requiem who introduced it to me (THANKS GAL!!!!) and one of the jrockers in the scene that I like is Gackt. Gackt, the supposedly reputed for being the most beautiful man in Japan has songs that are meaningful (Last song, Miserable) to naughty (Vanilla >__<). I am also listening to jrock bands like L'arc en Ciel and Gazette.

I love Uruha from Gazette. He looks like a girl! >___< I am so jealous...hahaha....

Currently listening to Happiness from Glay (Thanks to Requiem again!~)

EDIT: Oh yah, one more person to thank...ACKTOSH KUN!!! Hahha....thanks for your contribution to my small jrock music collection! >__<

Edit picture of Me

2005-04-02T08:30:00.000-08:00

hahah...a stupid post as usual...here's me with Itachi's Magenkyou Sharigan!!!~ O_O

Freaky?? >___<

Bleach Meme

2005-03-30T08:07:00.000-08:00

Hahah...found this here.

If you landed in Bleach and screwed things up... by biteme65
Name/Alias/SN:
Your best friend becomes:
You get married to:
But are sleeping with:
You kill:
Who has children with:
You shove Kon's spirit into:
And decide to adopt:
Who kills you finally?
But it's possible you'll come back as:

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Interesting isn't it? >____<

Feeling Broke: MP3 players

2005-03-18T02:48:00.000-08:00

I am broke. Seriously, no kidding. My bank account left $14!!! T_T''

Guess why?

Because I bought a MP3 player today!! Thats why!!~~ And the main point is, I bought it for someone else, not me!~ I am soooooooooo broke now!!~~ URGH!!!~~~

Now, I can't buy anything on impulse.

I can't buy my Howl's moving castle coloured manga.

I can't buy anything nice, anything that caught my eye.

I can't afford to buy another 3 metres of white cloth for my ANBU vest, because Xiaobai yelled at me for buying 3 metres of dark grey cloth for the vest, which is too dark actually... T_T''

(So in the end, we shall try and attempt bleaching the cloth..hope it works)

I will be living like a broke person.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!~~~

*coughs*

I am over-reacting actually...haha..I still have my part-time job which is a home-based job. But it should be enough to cover my losses.

Then again, I must save my monthly pay for my Rider's costume. Which I believe will come to about 300-400 bucks, including the wig. T_T''

I can't wait to see my costume when it's done. But that will be a few long months before it will be done. The costume is for EOY by the way. I think I will post the picture of Rider soon..but not now... >_<

*runs to a corner and cries for the loss of a huge sum of money*

Kyou Kara Maou!~

2005-03-14T06:40:00.000-08:00

Oh yah, by the way, I have gotten 2 As (or distinctions) for my 2 units from the previous semester! If you studied business, Consumer behaviour is a rather interesting but a theoratical unit. You learned about how culture and reference groups influenced consumers' purchase patterns. There are more to it, but I doubt you would want to know.

The other subject is Internet Marketing, but I can't be bothered about it. It is a silly subject and I do not like it actually. Nevertheless, it is one of the subjects I have to take so I tried to immerse myself into it.

Okay, side track over, let me tell you about an anime that I have recently watched, thanks to Shiomi...

KYOU KARA MAOU!

Okay, firstly, I will warn all guys who are reading my blog now. It is a Shonen-ai anime, meaning, Boy Love.

*gasps!* Quick, whoever is not into such stuff, click to somewhere else!!

hahah...Anyway, as I said, it is a shonen-ai anime, and it has a rather interesting plot to it. The main character is Yuuri, a 15 year old school boy who one day, offended a group of gangsters and was forced head-down into a toilet bowl.

When he woke up, he found himself in a foreign land, and mistaken that to be some sort of a theme park. He was rescued by a man called Konrad, who brought him to a camp and took him to another person named Gunter (fyi: Gunter's seiyuu is Kakashi's seiyuu, Inoue Kazuhiko!!).

These two man actually told him that he is actually the future king or Maou to the demon kingdom. And that started his adventure in this land where he ruled as a demon king.

It is a silly and funny anime actually, Yuuri is such a stupid and silly king to begin with, his *coughs* fiance, Wolfram's a bishionen and Gunter's in love with him. haahah...

I have only watched the first 8 episodes so I do not know much about the plot as yet. But if there are interesting stuff to note, I will update you guys here!~~~~ ^_^

Will try to post some pictures of them too!~ >__<

Change of font colour

2005-03-08T17:05:00.000-08:00

yeah! I have changed the font colour to make my blog fonts more visible..hehe... >__<

Howl's Moving Castle

2005-03-07T04:00:00.000-08:00

AHHHHH!!!!

I am going to say it one more time...if you don't see it on my msn, if you never talked to me in the forum...HOWL IS MY NEW BISHIE!!~~~~

yes, after craving long for Itachi...my new bishie has arrived in a form of a wizard. I went to watch this movie with my sister Xiaobai and I was so blown away by him when he first came in. Okay, the movie is good too; I love the scenaries and the wonderful animation. I just didn't quite like how the story goes.

I believe if a person who read the book before watching the movie, he/she will be sorely disappointed with how much the movie never adapts. Sophie's background was vague and I was rather confused when I saw her step-mother because I mistook her for her sister Lettie. The ending was confusing too. It took me awhile after the movie to figure out what is the contract that Howl and Calisfer had.

But seriously, the director who was supposed to make this movie made Digimon's movie. And I am finding it hard to imagine howl in digimon style...-_-'' But seriously, Studio Ghibli is still the best.

If you can't get enough of Howl, here are some of my favorite shots in the movie. I took them from links from the Live Journal community for this movie. Here goes!~

1st pic: Howl with his shaggy, delicious blond look!~ >__< I love this look the most, but then again, it is only for awhile.

2nd pic: Howl looking all so evil! I like!! >__<

3rd pic: another blond Howl!

4th pic: Drama king Howl!

5th pic: His butt!~~ >__<

6th pic: last pic! Howl with his original hair colour...he looked more japanese now...lovely!~ >_<

I know, you will kill me because of all the big pictures loading on this site...but I love him!~~ I must show you his pictures!~~ hahah....enjoy these pictures!~

NARUTO RAMEN OUTING!!~~

2005-02-26T09:19:00.000-08:00

WEeEEeEE!! I finally participate in a cosplay event! It was the Naruto Ramen Outing at Tiong Bahru Plaza!!

Anyway, before all that, I went to my boyfriend's tae-kwon-do competition and he won the gold medal in the group pattern competition!! So proud of him!! That marked a good and bright day and I took the train to Tiong Bahru with a very very good mood.

I reached there around 12 plus to find Xiaobai in the toilet alone and waxing her hair up. Looks cool but we had to borrow a comb from Matashiki (who was in the males toilet...we have to call him to get him to pass it to us >< ) Anyway, Daniel and Shika (sorry! I can't really recall names well) came along. Yes, I finally met Daniel in person..^^

Had to dress myself up in my yukata (which the last time I wore my yukata was 2 years ago) and while dressing up, Yomiko came. Had to struggle with my yukata and hers too cause she needed my help. In the end, Xiaobai, Shika and Daniel went off to meet the group first, leaving Yomiko and I to struggle with our yukatas.

Shall fast forward to after I had my yukata up on my body. We (Yomiko and I) went back to the MRT Station to gather with the rest of the Naruto group. I actually felt left out since everyone was in their character costume and Yomiko and I were the only 'villagers' from Konoha..But I was fine after I had warmed up with the group members.

It was rather fun and exciting experience to be eating ramen in a restaurant with the Naruto team. Everyone were looking at us like we were from some planet who came to visit Earth. HAHA... But I didn't bother much on how people looked at me, I was practically having fun, chit chatting, walking around and talking to the cosplayers.

I didn't have a digital camera so that actually left me with no photos as a memoir..Daniel took two pictures of me, so I shall get it from her later! After the ramen lunch, we were supposed to go for a photoshoot but Xiaobai and I had to go back home. We left rather reluctantly but this is still an experience that I would rather die than to miss it! ^_^

PS: will post my pic here if I could get it from the cosplayers!~ -_-''

Exam over:Fruits Basket

2005-02-23T08:35:00.000-08:00

YAY YAY!~ Exams are over...actually, it is exam to be exact...I have just one paper today and my exam is over!~ Will be meeting my boyfriend tomorrow and will meet up with naruto cosplayers on saturday!~ YAY!~

I have bought Fruits Basket vol 14 manga this week and I must say, everytime I read the manga, it gives me sad vibes and I always feel depressed after that. The story of the 12 Chinese Zodiac characters and Honda Tohru is haunting...to me at least. Initially, the plot started off light and fluffy, with slight tinge of bitterness. But as the plot goes on, the story gets darker and you are just tasting bitter sweet juice every time you read a new volume.

But I feel the pain of the characters, and at times I felt that I am also suffering from the same fate as the characters. Especially in volume 14, the girl who was in Yuki's student committee (i just forgotten her name -_-''), I felt the same way as what she feels.

The character that I am talking about doubts herself, whether she has her own thinking, her own identity. Okay, I am not that extreme, I do know what colour I like, but at the same time, I doubt myself because I felt my life have always been there to please other people in my life. I never really thought of what I want to become in the past. When I was in secondary 2 streaming, I told myself I want to go to the science course, because I hope to please my parents.

When I gotten my 'O' levels results, I initially picked SP's Biotechnology for my course, but because of my sister (she said NP better, and business is good), I chose Business Studies instead. Yes, I guess I really have no brains of my own to choose for my own self. I felt that what I have done in the past is just going according to other peoples' will. I felt that I have no identity of my own.

It was only during my poly years, that I really hated my past, I really cringed whenever I thought about my past, things that I have done that I shouldn't have. I hated myself and doubted myself so much. Even now I have difficulty having my own identity. I do not know what I want to be, what is the kind of person I should become. I desire for too much things that I do not know which need and want I should pursue first. I lost my focus in life.

I said to myself that I wanted to be in marketing, because I am interested in it. Thats why I am studying it. But I realise that it is something that is forged out from my past, the road that I have chosen in polytechnic, and I have no way to turn back. I envy my sisters who found their goals...and other people whom I have met. They know what they want, I don't. There are too many cross roads in my life, and I am just going through the path that is in my comfort zone. I do not dare to take a step out and experience my life in another way.

Thus, at 21, I've decided I must find an identity for myself, experience life in whatever form it takes, find out my real interests and go for it! And wish me luck in that journey of mine!

Yo Yo YO~

2005-02-17T09:46:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! This is my first blog post in this new blog of mine. I have decided to dedicate on blog site for my fascination for Japanese anime and manga...Am currently into Naruto and Bleach anime, and a whole lot of manga series that I enjoyed.

I am rather old for my fascination, 21 to be precise, but I hope to enjoy while I can and just do something I like for once, cosplaying. It came to me when I first went for the cosplay extravagenza in Singapore Science Centre in December last year. I was there for the fan art actually, but the cosplayers really impressed me.

The following Baka Matsuri event had completely overwhelmed me with the cosplaying world. Thats when I had decided (with Xiaobai, my sister) that I want to cosplay. To enjoy it while I can, while I am free.

This site shall hold anything related to Japanese anime, manga, cosplaying, etc...But if you want to see my old blog, which has more about my life, you can click the link below.

Old Blog