Angelic Groove: Groove with me through the dark nights...

How do you like trying to live up to people's expectations?

Noone like it..in fact, expectations are frustrating and heart-aching.

I spent alot of time in my past, trying to live up to my parents' expectations. You see, I am not a bright student, and I would bring back below average results to my parents. I remembered I was always asked to 'pull up my socks' and to buck up in my studies.

Expectations started to appear when I went to secondary school. It was only in Secondary 2 that I studied harder and get better grades. At that time, all I wish to do was to prove to my parents that I am good and I aimed for the science class in Secondary three. In the end, I'd gone into the science class but I was unhappy. Because my mum just told me to continue and hope I can maintain my grades in the class.

I was rather frustrated, because that is not the response I wished to hear. I wished to hear more motivating and uplifting words...I wished to hear her praise me. What was worse was that she compared my results with my elder sister, whom, together with my younger sister are smarter and scored better grades than myself.

I did hate myself for not being a bright student, but I did continue to work hard for my 'O' levels and in the end, I scored. Well, not as well as my two siblings, but to me, it was an accomplishment. From being a C student in Mathematics, I managed to tackle both Additional Mathematics and Elementary Mathematics with a B3 and an A2 respectively. That is something that I have achieved through hard work.

My motto in life is to work hard to get what I want, because I know that the things that I wanted will not be easily obtainable. But it sometimes get really frustrating and tiring, because here you are working your ass out, while you see another person being alot smarter than you and by the end of the day, the results are the same...That really hurts...but well...that's my life path I have to undergo..

I hate expectations now...I wish they can just go away from me..I wish I can run away and avoid them. But somehow, I knew in my heart that I can't just run away...I have to face them. And facing them means to keep up with what I have and push myself harder to perform well.

But I wish I can just take a break and relax once in a while...going on a holiday would be nice...but oh well.. I am a student with no income, so I think maybe I should just give myself some time-out and replenish my mental and physical energy..

Good nitey peps...^__^

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