Angelic Groove: Groove with me through the dark nights...

I'm quite annoyed with my parents now. They seemed to be tempting me to patch back with my ex. I admit, the reason for my break up is rather simple and I could actually go back to my ex if he can change his short-comings. Frankly speaking, these few days without him has been a little agonising, because I kept thinking back the times I was with him.

When I passed by the places we'd been together, I would recall back what we'd done there and how happy those times were. I really missed him especially when I am alone at home, with nothing to occupy my mind. But I kept my temptation to patch back because I knew in my heart that patching back is just a way of escape from the pain I am feeling now.

He asked me to call me yesterday, which I did. I kinda feel obliged to talk to him, because I was the one who initiated the break up. When I heard his voice, it was rather painful, and especially so when he asked me what did he done wrong that could cause me to insist on a break up. That phone call was really painful...in a way that I cried my heart out and really feel damn upset with him. He caused me so much pain, months of taken for granted, neglience and his non-action when I told him he neglected me months back. He was my support when I was down and sad...but he wasn't there when I needed him these few months. He didn't provide the emotional support that I need when I am feeling stressed with my studies. He expects me to come looking for him, but he never expects himself to come looking for me.

Too many resentment towards him and with relationship becoming stale, I decided it is really time to end this. But I didn't know it was so hard, to let go of someone I love for 4 years, to see someone who loves you becoming heart broken. He said at least if there is a third party, it would be easier, since only one of us will be heart broken. But because there isn't any third party, both of us felt the pain of the loss of relationship.

My ex told me we could still be friends, which I know we will. After all, he is a good friend to me. But not now, I can't meet him nor talk to him at this current moment. Talking to him hurts, meeting him will make me cry. I know I am weak...my mum says I shouldn't cry easily, it is a major disadvantage and I will be bullied both in personal and work matters. But what can I do?! This is a relationship that failed, can't I be sad? Can't I cry over the loss?

I woke up today with swollen eyes and feeling a void in my heart. I feel like this time, it is truly over. He called yesterday to confirm if this is really over, if there is any chance to patch back, in which I insisted a no. Then we talked about some unresolved issues between us and thats when I realised, I need to start packing up the photo frame I had on my table, with the picture of us together before he went NS. I need to put away the old ring he gave to me, but I think I should just leave it on my display table as it is...It has sentimental value to me.

He told me if possible, not to have any relationship for these past few months, which I told him I would. To end a 4 year relationship is tough, and getting over it is tougher. Moreover, I have no intention to be attached because I want to be free from restriction of a relationship, simply said, I am sick of being attached now. It is really ironic how in the past, I yearned to be attached..but now, I rather be single.

I'm still quite dead in my emotions now, because of my draining phone call to him yesterday. Well, as Aoi-kun says, I will get over this, because I am a strong woman. Thanks Aoi for your support. ^__^ Oh yah, not to mention my little sister XIAOBAI!!! Thank you my lovely sister, though you have little love experience, you are still a listener when I am sad and comforts me when I am really down...thanks!~ And also Requiem, for stuffing me with her Dir en Grey stuff..ehhehe...

In the meantime, I am rushing the ANBU vest for cosfest NEXT SUNDAY!!! And I am still halfway through with Requiem's vest (YESH!! REQUIEM!!! YOU OWE ME ONE!!!) I still have to finish my vest AND my itachi top (hopefully) by Saturday.

I seriously wonder what I should do after Cosfest...I need to start exercising, my tummy and my triceps are bulging with fat now..hahaha....

Oh yah, I think alot of people find tall girls a rare sight...the tailor we'd went to for Bleach group today was like saying I'm tall lah, and when she measured my legs, she was saying something that half of my legs can be someone else's FULL leg length....I was like 'okay....-__-'' ' In addition, I parted my hair to centre parting, in preparation for my itachi hair getup...and I think I look geeky in it...xb says I look girly...kinda, since I clipped my hair to prevent them from falling back to the usual parting...Requiem says I looked geeky though..hehehe...Will show you the picture that I took with requiem another day...if you don't mind req, I think you look good in it lah..hehe ^__^

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